A forty-six-year-old woman has taken to Reddit to ask the community of Am I The A**hole (AITA) for their opinions regarding a complex situation between herself and her sister. The post has sparked fierce debate among users of the subreddit.
A Tense Relationship
The two siblings have a strained relationship. OP tells us that her husband passed away eighteen years ago, and she has not yet moved on. Her younger sister does not understand or respect her choice. She has repeatedly attempted to set her up with other men, much to OP’s distress.
“To this day, I’ve never taken off my wedding ring,” OP states, having promised she would remain faithful to him for the rest of her life. She also keeps his own wedding ring on a necklace. However, neither ring is ever removed—at least, not willingly.
Chaos erupted at the gathering.
At a bachelorette party for the little sister’s second wedding, she drunkenly demanded that OP remove her ring and “get back out there” before grabbing OP’s hand and pulling the ring off.
The younger sister afterward claimed it had just been a joke, but the damage was done; after grabbing the ring back, OP states that she shouted at her sister before returning home and crying.
Feeling immensely disrespected, she has now told her sister she will not attend her wedding, causing discord within their family.
Reaching out to AITA for outsider opinions. OP has received mixed responses from the subreddit, with many commenters arguing about how the situation could be resolved—unsurprising, given the complexity of relationships and grief.
Redditors chimed in
The top-voted comment argued that ESH—everyone in the situation sucks. Pointing out that OP has been grieving the loss of her husband since the age of twenty-eight. This commenter suggested that first, she find a grief counselor, saying both siblings are treating each other wrong. The younger sister for disrespecting OP’s wishes, and OP for choosing to “boycott a wedding” rather than talk.
Another commenter points out that twenty-eight is an immensely young age to be widowed. “You don’t ever have to take your ring off, but reacting that drastically feels like there’s a much more deep-rooted issue there.”
However, it seems most other Redditors argue with this view. Pointing out that OP has already talked with her little sister about her boundaries and that being uninterested in having another romantic relationship hardly makes someone an a**hole.
“I think the one that needs therapy is the one who seems to think you can’t be fulfilled unless you’re in a relationship and bulldozes over other peoples’ boundaries,” says one user. “Overreaction? This wasn’t a one-time event. It was a culmination of escalating bullying by the sister,” says another.
However, unanimously agreed that the younger sister’s behavior was unacceptable. Repeatedly setting up someone on dates they have told you they’re not interested in and then forcibly taking an item of immense emotional significance is a terrible way to treat someone, even if it does come from a place of concern.
Interestingly, there seems to be far more debate among the comments over whether or not OP is mourning correctly than if she or her sister is more in the wrong. “People are turning the sister into a supervillain and OP into a martyr. There is no grieving process here because clearly, no processing has happened,” says one user. We take issue with this claim.
How can we strangers genuinely know anything about OP’s mental health? OP does not indicate how happy she is, only that she does not remove her rings and is uninterested in new romantic relationships.
We believe it is rather presumptuous to state she cannot be happy as such. Somewhat misogynistic, too—one wonders if we would see such claims about a male widower.