OP, a 47-year-old nutritionist, and her friend Jenny, a 52-year-old vegan, were at a birthday party for a mutual friend in an American restaurant.
Vegan Options Are Hard to Come By
Jenny had trouble finding vegan options on the menu and mentioned it several times, making OP feel uncomfortable as it was putting a damper on the party. In an attempt to lighten the mood, OP made a joke about how vegans always tell people they’re vegans, which made everyone laugh but seemed to offend Jenny. OP later apologized to Jenny and assured her that she never intended to offend her and that she would be more careful in the future.
A few months later, OP was with another group of friends and was asked if she could coach a vegetarian or vegan diet. OP said that she was not qualified to coach vegetarians or vegans because she didn’t have the necessary education to navigate supplements. Still, she could coach a keto or paleo diet. Later, Jenny began excluding OP from get-togethers. When OP pressed her for a reason, Jenny accused OP of hating vegans and refusing to work with them categorically because they don’t eat anything.
OP insists that she never said she hated vegans or refused to work with them but simply stated that she was not qualified to coach a vegetarian or vegan diet. OP wonders if she is wrong for not following her gut and not bringing up the topic again with Jenny after the initial joke.
One Joke Too Far
There is a large segment of the thread that suggests that OP is very much the bad person here:
“YTA. Your friend struggled with finding something to eat and navigating a frustrating situation. And your response was to shame them for chuckles? Come on.
Seems like they took once as a joke but more than one comment as an indicator of your feelings about them. Whether it was your intent or not — perception is reality. The onus is on you in this case.”
This Redditor has been fairly critical of OP’s actions. Firstly, their initial joke at the party at the expense of her friend’s difficulty was uncalled for. There are many situations where people struggle to find suitable options, and Jenny has clearly been vocal about her frustration. Making fun of her to the group was deliberately hurtful and at the expense of her needy friend.
Even though Jenny could take the initial insult as a joke, the subsequent comment was too far. Jokes among friends can be harsh. However, picking on someone for a particular habit or trait can quickly begin to look like bullying.
This writer states that Jenny noticed a trend in OP’s behavior. This was substantial enough evidence to suggest to Jenny that OP has a problem with her life choices. Therefore, she should have expected this kind of response to her ongoing dismissive attitude toward veganism.
Jenny Is The Problem
There is some debate in the thread regarding who is at fault here. There is a smaller but vocal group of people that suggest Jenny is the one causing problems, not OP:
“She picked the restaurant knowing she has a specialized diet and didn’t think to check the menu beforehand? She sounds like drama. I can understand her getting annoyed at your joke, but she accepted your apology and moved on. You state you don’t work with vegans or vegetarians had nothing to do with her.“
Rightfully, Jenny knew what restaurant they were attending and should have checked the menu in advance. Nowadays, everyone has access to establishments’ menus and contact details in a matter of a few taps on their phone. Jenny lives by a strict diet which is renowned for being difficult to cater to. Therefore, this Redditor is stating that it was her responsibility to check beforehand and not be so vocal to the point of dampening the mood at the party.
Although this commenter understands why Jenny took offense to the jokes, they feel like Jenny is trying to be dramatic and draw attention. OP even apologized in the first instance to ensure that she and Jenny remained on good terms. It appears to this Redditor that Jenny is simply overreacting to two minor comments that have been blown way out of proportion.
HIS MOTHER AND AUNT ARE BANNED FROM HIS WEDDING AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO HIS FIANCÉ
Source: Reddit