OP is a 25-year-old man who recently got engaged to his girlfriend Maya, and they planned a trip to his hometown to announce it to his family. At a dinner with his family, most people congratulated them. But his mother and one aunt made his fiancé feel uncomfortable with glares throughout the night.
After dessert, his mother gave a toast calling Maya a s*** and gold digger, which led to Maya leaving the room crying. OP stood up for Maya and told his mother, aunt, and another aunt that they weren’t welcome at the wedding and that he and Maya would be staying at a hotel for the rest of their time there.
However, he’s now facing backlash from his family for being unreasonable and burning bridges with them. His sister told him he messed up, and his dad said he couldn’t come unless his mother could. Some of his mother’s side of the family won’t go unless he reinvites his mother and aunts.
The man is conflicted about what to do and feels terrible for putting Maya through that, but he also doesn’t want her to deal with anything like that on their wedding day. Maya said it was his choice but didn’t want them there. He’s asking if he’s the asshole (AITA) for not inviting his mother and aunts to the wedding.
OP shared that they couldn’t include in their original post that their mother has a very enmeshed relationship with them, and this was one of the reasons why OP had to move away. OP’s mother is a narcissist, and their childhood was marked by a “golden child scapegoat dynamic” between OP and their sister. While their relationship with their mother has improved, OP’s sister still has panic attacks every time they meet their mother, which is likely why the sister is currently in “no contact” (NC) with their mother.
His Mother Burnt The Bridges
It is safe to say that Redditors united in the comment section to sympathize with the OP and his bride-to-be. They discussed that the OP should be under no illusion that his mother and anties were the ones in the wrong:
You didn’t burn any bridges. Your mom lit a fire and you walked away.
If she regrets it now and wants to build a new bridge to replace the one she burned, she should get crack-a-lacking on figuring out how she will apologize and make amends to Maya.”
It is difficult not to agree with this statement. His mother intentionally and publicly humiliated his fiance to split the two of them up. Unfortunately, there is no way to recover from such a vicious attack.
Many commenters have highlighted that his mother burnt the bridge, so why should OP back down from removing her from the wedding? She knew what the consequences of her actions should be, so there was no reason to submit to the pressure of the rest of his family.
She is on a Path of Destruction
A few are holding back in the comment section, a little like OP’s mother couldn’t be at the dining table. They are suggesting that the OP’s comments about his relationship with his mother and the ‘Golden Child’ component of his upbringing were significant:
“NTA. Clearly, your mom has issues with having already driven one child away. Guess she’s going to be childless soon, with that attitude.”
This commenter suggests that OP’s mother is troubled and has a horrible attitude. She has already driven away OP’s sister, who has panic attacks in her company.
Although there may be a fault on both sides, most commenters suggest that the mother is being incredibly vindictive and evil. This is not news to the OP, who will have to make some difficult decisions.
This is one of many past mistakes by OP’s mother and seems like the nail in the coffin for her relationship with her son. This woman has some serious issues to address if she wishes to have a relationship with her children.