While you are waiting for the catch of the day, you can fill in the time telling these fishing jokes. Maybe you don’t get the fish, but you will certainly land some laughs with this bucketful of fishing hilarity.
1. Why did the Vegan go fishing?
Just for the halibut.
2. One day, two guys Frank, and Bob, were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Frank said, “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”
Bob replied, “It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”
3. Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The bobber shop.
4. One day a confused ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice from above said, “There are no fish down there.”
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.” He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?” “No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the rink manager.”
5. What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.
Three Men And A Baby.
6. Why did the husband go fishing on Valentines Day?
To catch his wife a bouquet of flounders!
7. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
8.Why did Batman and Robin quit going fishing together?
Because Robin ate all the worms!
9.Why didn’t Noah do much fishing on the ark?
He had only two worms.
10. Game warden: Didn’t you see the no-fishing sign, son?
Boy: I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!
11. Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, “I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!”
“That bad, huh,” his friend responded.
“She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures, and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!”
12. How do fishermen get from place to place while playing golf?
By golf carp!
13. Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walked across the water to get some more bait. After two hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait, so he got up and walked across the water. After three hours of fishing, they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So, he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom.
The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, “Should we have told him where the rocks were?”
14. A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
“That’s what I like to see,” said the priest. “A man helping his fellow man.”
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “Well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”
15. How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
I don’t know the answer but I think I’m nearly there.
16. While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.”
17.Why can’t you tell a joke while ice fishing?
Because it’ll crack you up!
18. What do fishermen use for money?
19. A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than him. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman, and said, “Only caught one, eh?”
20. What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing?
21. How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.
22. A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while, another angler came to join him.
“Have you had any bites?” asked the second man.
“Yes, lots,” replied the first one. “But they were all mosquitoes.”
23. The little kid sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain.
Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked “How many have you caught?”
“You’re the 10th this morning,” the kid said.
24. What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?
25. Fisherman: “What are you fishing for sonny?”
Boy: “I’m not fishing, I’m drowning worms.”
26. How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, one to change the light bulb and three to brag about how big the old one was and about the one that they would have changed, but “It got away”
27. George went fishing, but he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store.
“I want to buy three trout,” he said to the owner. “But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me.”
“Why should I do that?” the owner asked.
“So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!” George said.
28. Have you seen the new fishing website?
No, it’s not online yet.
29. What sort of net is useless for catching fish?
A soccer net.
30. What kind of money do fishermen make?
31. A book never written: “Saltwater Fishing” by Barry Cuda.
32. What do you get when you cross a fishing lure with a gym sock?
A hook, line and stinker!
33. What’s the definition of a fishing dock?
A surgeon on vacation.
34. Little Eddy and his mom were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mom.
“No, honey, it won’t do for bait,” she said. “It’s not an earthworm.”
“It’s not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is it from?”
35. What does every fisherman want?
36. What did the fisherman say to the card magician?
Take a cod, any cod.
37. There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
38.Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
39. Why do fish like worms?
Because they’re hooked on them.
40. Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son?
Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don’t do trades.
41. After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.
He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden, wide-eyed and intrigued, says, “Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water.”
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “What lobsters?”
42. Why was the fisherman so quick in preparing for his trip?
He was worried about a-fish-in-sea.
43.What‘s the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman?
44.The world’s first great fisherman possessed something that no man before him ever had.
45. One fisherman said to the other: “Using bait during fishing isn’t necessary”.
The other fisherman said: “That’s debaitable”.
46. What’s a fisherman’s favorite video game?
47. A fisherman walks into a bank to apply for a loan.
The banker sits him down and goes: “So, what was your net gain for the previous year?”
The fisherman thinks for a bit and says: “An assortment of tuna fish”
48. What did the fisherman say at his retirement ceremony?
“It’s been reel”
49. My new internet provider is owned by a fisherman
Terrible service, takes all day to get a byte
50. The sheepshank is clearly superior to the fisherman’s eye
51. A detective went to investigate a fisherman. He said, “I want to ask you some questions.” To which the fisherman replied “Sure, But you need to buy me some worms first” the detective says “Goddammit I’m here to investigate not invest in bait”
52. I saw this fisherman lose an absolutely epic fish and he started crying inconsolably. I told him “Never mind, mate. Plenty more women on the land”.
53. How does a fisherman catch the most fish?
He fishes in sea.
54. For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife. Not made to scale
55. As a fisherman who has no idea what he’s doing, I don’t need to worry about the flu…I never catch anything.
56.You’ll NEVER believe THIS secret of how African fishermen are talking to worms to MAXIMISE their catch! Sorry, but this is clickbait.
57. What happened when a fisherman saw that they spent more on missing fishing equipment than they made selling fish?
They realized a net loss.
58. What do you call it when a fisherman gives a cephalopod in exchange for information on his rival fishermen?
59. Why couldn’t the fisherman play his guitar?
Because he lost his tuna
60. What do you call a Polish fisherman?
A fishing pole.
61. A scholar is traveling in a small boat with a poor fisherman across a large lake.
The scholar asks the fisherman “did you learn how to read?“
The fisherman replies “no, I have not”
“What a pathetic waste of your life!“ sneered the scholar. “Half your life has been wasted!“
“Have you ever learned to swim?” retorts the fisherman.
“No” replies the scholar.
“Then your whole life has been wasted” quips the fisherman. “The boat is sinking.”
62. Why didn’t the fisherman make it as a rapper?
His lines were okay, but his hooks were debaitable.
63. What’s the difference between a fisherman and a schoolboy?
One baits his hooks, the other hates his books.
64. What’s the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?
A hunter lies in wait, but a fisherman waits, then lies.
65.Why was the fisherman sad when the last dolphin died?
Because his life had no porpoise.
66. An artist, a mathematician, and a fisherman commit a crime and I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.
67. What did the fisherman tell his amorous wife?
Not tonight, honey, I’ve got a haddock.
68. What does the Newfoundland fisherman do on a day off?
Net fix and chill
69. Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store.
Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.
70. A fisherman caught a fish so big that he dislocated his shoulders describing it.
71. A Millionaire is on holiday in a poor country. Each day he’s sitting on a beach he sees a fisherman go out on his boat for an hour and catch a few fish. After a few days, he approaches him and says “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help noticing you each day. Have you ever thought about fishing for longer and selling some fish? With the money you earn, you could save up and buy another boat, and hire someone to sail it and catch you even more fish, and then get another boat. You could eventually give up having to fish yourself, and just employ a fleet!”
“Then what?” asks the fisherman.
“Well then you could become a millionaire like me, and you wouldn’t have to work at all! ” says the millionaire.
“But what would I do all day if I didn’t work?” the fisherman replies.
“Well… you could go fishing!”.
72. Did you hear about the supremely proper way the Englishman greeted the master fisherman from Jaws?
It was ‘ello, Quint!
73. Why didn’t the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?
Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.
74. A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says “Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?”
Fisherman: “One with a white dress with black stripes?”
Man: “Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?”
Fisherman: “I don’t think so, the current isn’t very strong today.”
75. What do you call a heated conversation between two fisherman?
76. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.
77. What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?
He invited her over to net fish and krill.
78. What did the fish hook say to the fisherman?
Take me to your leader.
79. One day, a farmer walked up to a fisherman, and said, “Oi, I found this ‘ere red thing glimmerin’ at the river over yonder. Issa worth much?”
The fisherman takes a look at what the farmer caught. After inspecting it for quite some time, he frowns and says, “I’m afraid it’s worthless, sir.>
The farmer frowns. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. It’s glimmerin’, and it looks like a ruby if I’ve ever seen one!”
“I’m sorry sir. I’m afraid this is just a red herring.”
80. What did the octopus say when the fisherman cut off its tenticles?
See ya later suckers!
81. Why did the Fisherman have to sit with his legs crossed?
Because he caught a Chub
82. Why do movie companies hire fisherman?
Because they’re great at casting
83. A fisherman decided to become a playwriter His first play had strong lines and good casting. It was a reel hit
84. Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?
After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren’t such a cheap-skate.
85. What did the fisherman stream?
86. A fisherman goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, can you help me!? I’ve hurt my hand!” The doctor takes a look and says, “It’s nothing too serious, you’ve pulled a mussel.”
87. What caused the fisherman to go crazy?
88. I can’t believe the fisherman told me there were no rivers in Africa. He was clearly in denial
89. What do you get when you cross a fisherman with a jazz enthusiast?
90. A guy calls his boss and says “I can’t come to work today The boss asks why and the guy says “It’s my eyes.”
“What’s wrong with your eyes?” asks the boss.
“I just can’t see myself coming to work, so I’m going fishing instead….”
91. Fisherman 1: “What’s the biggest fish you ever caught?”
FIsherman 2: “That would be the one that measured fourteen inches….”
Fisherman 1: “That’s not so big!”
Fisherman 2: “Between the eyes!”
92. Priest: “I didn’t see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead.”
Fisherman: “That’s not true, vicar. And I’ve got the fish to prove it!”
93. Why did the fisherman become boxer?
He had a great hook
94. I was in Greenland a few years ago and I wanted to try ice fishing. So I went to the local sporting goods store to purchase everything I would need, an ice saw, fishing pole, line, hooks, and a bucket to hold my catch. I drove out to the ice lake, cut a hole in the ice, and got set up. I had been there about an hour when another guy set up a fishing hole about 20 yards away from me. I hadn’t caught a thing, but as soon as he set his line in the water, he caught a fish. This continued every five minutes he’d throw in his line, he’d catch another fish. Finally, after 2 hours of nothing, I decided to go over and ask him what his secret was.
He responded “mmmfff to dmakd the mmmf fmmm”.
I told him I didn’t understand, and he said again “mmmfff to dmakd the mmmf fmmm”.
I told him I still didn’t understand him, so he cupped his hands under his mouth, spit into them, and said “You have to keep your worms warm.”
95. I was chatting with a friend about his recent ice fishing trip when he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture of his ice fishing spot.
It is just a picture of the lake-ice with a black X spray painted onto it.
I look at him, confused at first but then I realized he was kidding with me.
I tell him that he is going to have a hard time finding it next year.
He responds “I know the ice is going to melt, that’s why I took a picture”
96. Dad: I tried ice fishing once. Didn’t really like it.
Son: Why not? Too cold?
Dad: No. It took me 4 hours to make a hole big enough for the boat.
97. Eskimo 1: “Where were you the whole morning?”
Eskimo 2: “Ice fishing.”
Eskimo 1: “What did you get?”
Eskimo 2: “Ice.”
98.What’s one illness fishermen don’t mind getting?
99. Why was the fishing salesman sad?
He had a poor line
100. Why were the fishermen getting angry?
They were baiting each other.
It’s time to feel in and pack up for the day. Hope we rocked your boat with that load of jokes.