A man has asked “am I the a**hole?” for calling out his brother for moving on so fast – and wanting to introduce his new partner at a really insensitive time.
She Was Part Of The Family.
The man explains that his elder brother Ron’s long-term partner Linda was a well-loved member of the family.
“To say the family adored her would be an understatement. Linda was beautiful, smart and had an amazing sense of humor. She’s been part of the family for so long that most of us don’t remember a time without her. Most of our best memories have her in them.”
Linda Sadly Passed Away.
She died early this year after being hit by a drunk driver and the family is very much mourning her loss. “Linda was very close to my nephew Drew (6M). Drew is disabled and autistic, so he has a hard time connecting with other people. I don’t know how to describe the relationship between Drew and Linda, they just sort of clicked, from the moment he was born she was his best friend and would often watch over him.”
Drew Is Especially Struggling To Come To Terms With The Loss.
He still doesn’t quite understand what has happened. “Drew took it especially hard since he doesn’t really grasp what death means yet. He constantly asks where Linda is and when she’ll be coming back, sometimes going as far as having full-blown meltdowns because he misses her so much. He is currently attending therapy to learn how to process his grief but it’s a slow progress.”
The Birthday Party.
Drew’s birthday is coming up and the family is planning a party. “Drew’s birthday is in 2 weeks, and my sister and BIL sent out invitations to everyone in the family asking who can come. Birthdays are a big deal in our family and are usually an over-the-top event with catering so it’s necessary to confirm the number of guests.”
Ron Has Moved On.
Despite only losing his partner four months ago, Ron found a new girlfriend rather quickly.
“Apparently Ron wrote that he’ll come with Gia, a new girlfriend he is hoping to introduce to the family. Most of the family is upset with him for moving on so quickly.”
He Doesn’t Approve.
The man doesn’t think the time is right to introduce the new partner. “I personally think it’s none of my business and I’m not going to tell him what to do or how to live his life, however bringing a new partner over to his nephew’s birthday when he knows how said nephew was so attached to his former gf and is still mourning her, is idiotic at best and cruel at worst.”
The In-laws Weren’t Happy About It.
And they voiced their opinions. “BIL told Ron that if he’s planning on bringing that girl over for Drew’s birthday he shouldn’t bother coming at all. Ron called me to complain and I told him the same thing, he shouldn’t bring her over.”
Ron Got Mad At Him.
Ron expected support from his brother but didn’t get it. “Ron called me an a**hole and a bad brother, he said that he’s finally happy again after Linda’s death and why is it so hard for us to accept that he moved on and support his relationship.”
Poor Timing.
The man pointed out the insensitivity of the plus-one. “I told him I’m happy to hear he was doing well and I’m sure the family would someday love to meet the girl that makes him so happy, but I’m standing by my opinion that inviting her now was a dumb decision on his part and he chose the worst possible time and place to introduce someone new to the family.”
Things Are Tense Between Them.
So the man asked an online community if he was the a**hole for his reaction to his brother’s news. One user said this: “NTA [not the a**hole]. An autistic kid’s birthday is really not the time to be introducing new people, particularly when the kid in question hasn’t even processed that Linda is gone yet. Also, Linda passed away four months ago and he is already ready to introduce a new girlfriend? Well… your brother sure moved on fast.”
Insensitive Move.
Users were surprised by Ron’s actions. “They [autistic children] don’t do well with changes IN GENERAL and to try this at his bday was a lousy move. NTA.”. Another agreed: “Even if he wasn’t autistic, The brother needs to realize that Linda was part of his family for 11 years, and his family is still grieving the loss of a family member. Four months is too soon for most people, so even if it’s not too soon for his brother, it’s probably too soon for his family.”
Clueless Man.
Users pointed out that there’s no timeline for grief, but Ron is the a**hole for thinking an autistic kid’s birthday is the time to unveil a new partner. “Eh im gonna assume he just thought hey EVERYONE will be there so a good time to introduce the new gf…he was being VERY thoughtless by not remembering how poorly an autistic child reacts to unexpected changes.”
Another user stood up for Ron: “Honestly he’s probably still in grief and that’s why he’s not thinking clearly. He’s probably being thoughtless because he’s in grief, and he’s probably in a new relationship because he’s in grief. I’m starting to feel a little bit sorry for the new gf; she might be a grief rebound…”
He Should Wait.
Ron should have thought this through. “Honestly, it would be thoughtless even if the kid was NT [neurotypical]. He had a strong bond with Linda and is still a grieving child. Bringing a replacement to his party is bad all around, but extra bad in this scenario.”
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