OP is a laidback bride worried about her cousin’s eccentric sense of style, which includes wearing multiple layers of clothing and unusual accessories. OP asked her cousin to wear the bridesmaids’ dress without any additional styling for the wedding, but her cousin refused and accused OP of bullying her. OP’s family thinks she should apologize, but OP just wants to be the center of attention on her special day and doesn’t want any unusual attire in her wedding photos. Although OP would be fine with her cousin attending as a guest and wearing whatever she wants, her cousin has refused to attend altogether.
It Is Her Wedding Day
Many Redditors in the comment section are highlighting the main point that goes above all else; it is her wedding day. Typically a bride cares the most about the details of the wedding day, which include having requirements for particular elements of what will happen.
More specifically, several commenters have suggested that being a bridesmaid is an honor and comes with requirements to fit a bride’s expectations as standard:
“NTA. If she is a bridesmaid, you don’t require a dress code for just her – you are asking her (like all of your bridesmaids) to stick to your dress code, which is pretty normal. I guess I don’t see why you haven’t considered the option of her not being a bridesmaid but just a guest though.”
This writer clarifies that the OP has several options and the authority to do as she likes, even to the extent of not allowing her to be a bridesmaid if she is unwilling to be a willing participant of the day.
Taking The Attention
Many in the comment section state that during the main section of the ceremony, the bride should have the most attention on the altar. Traditionally, everyone’s eyes are on the bride and groom as they conduct the marriage ceremony.
“Surprisingly, NTA – she shouldn’t be dressing so flamboyantly and taking attention away from your partner and yourself. This is a reasonable requirement, and I say stick with it and remove her from the wedding as she requested.”
This Redditor makes an excellent suggestion noting that OP’s cousin will be drawing attention away from the bride and the couple when they are at the alter. This would be incredibly selfish and warrants a dress code imposed on the cousin to ensure that the couple makes the best of the experience.
It Is a Very Reasonable Request
This Redditors thread pointed out the very important point that there is more to consider than just the ceremony:
“NTA. Oh man, I’m sorry, OP but I imagine a family photo with you all dressed up and lovely… with one bridesmaid with a furry hat and leggings on under her very standard dress, and I cannot stop cackling at the visual.
She’s going to humiliate herself if she does that. So no, you’re not an a**hole for saying no; she’s a bridesmaid, they all wear the same kind of thing, and usually, accessories are not of the fur variety. Or a hat even.”
Looking at the bigger picture, it is clear that her cousin’s eccentricity could make an appearance throughout the day. This would cause an even bigger headache for the bride.
She will likely be a talking point for the entire day and make a lasting impression by being the odd one out in all of the wedding photos.
Is She Being Too Harsh
Some have shown greater sympathy to the cousin, suggesting that picking her out or excluding her is not the right way to go either:
“There are certain events that have a dress code; that’s just how it works. If you were excluding her from the wedding as a whole, you, or if the other bridesmaids had creative freedom except for her, sure you might be crossing the acceptable line.”
It is important for the OP to remain reasonable. If she ends up picking on the cousin for having a creative side to her, then it will not go down well with her or the rest of the family. She should largely be exposed to the same conditions as the rest of the wedding party.
HIS MOTHER AND AUNT ARE BANNED FROM HIS WEDDING AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO HIS FIANCÉ
Source: Reddit