OP recently attended a get-together with friends where the topic of their upcoming wedding was discussed. During the conversation, OP mentioned the menu for the reception, which included two main meat courses and various sides. Later in the evening, R pulled OP aside and expressed disappointment that the menu did not include any vegetarian options. OP explained that they had already made accommodations for R by requesting a large chickpea salad, vegan-safe versions of the sides, and a vegan cupcake for dessert. However, R insisted that this wasn’t enough and wanted a main course option to avoid being the only one eating salad. Despite some back and forth, the conversation ended without a resolution.
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OP’s fiancé and maid of honor believe that they have made adequate accommodations for R, and OP feels that R’s continued comments are starting to make her question whether she is in the wrong. OP notes that the chickpea salad is not a small side dish but a full meal-sized salad, and they are willing to pay the extra cost for the accommodations. OP also looked into meat replacements but found them to be significantly more expensive than the meat dishes they had already chosen.
OP is seeking advice on whether they are in the wrong for not offering a specific vegetarian main course option for R, despite the other accommodations they have made.
She Is Being Reasonable
Many of the commenters are furious at the notion that the OP is being pushed into more accommodation for her friend. She has already paid extra to have additionally dished that are vegan-friendly, which is above and beyond what many people would do in the first place.
“You’ve accommodated her. She singled herself out by choosing a diet that few people follow. Which is fine, but it’s ridiculous for her to expect you to add an entire separate option that she will probably be the only one to choose so she doesn’t feel different. She’s being entitled.”
This Redditor is one of the more reasonable in the thread. They are suggesting that friend R has chosen a diet that is highly restrictive and not followed by most people. It is also likely that she is the only vegan at the event, which would mean that she is having a meal prepared exclusively for her at OP’s expense.
It is highly selfish to insist that OP needs to make further accommodations to suit her friend’s difficult needs.
Her Problem, Not OP’s
OP’s friend is even getting criticism from her own vegan community:
“NTA. as a vegan I always plan that I won’t be accommodated. I eat before I go and usually pack a snack too. my diet – my issue. Props to you for offering to provide anything at all!!”
This is an excellent example of someone who would be willing to make sacrifices for their own needs. They explain that forcing people to accommodate your chosen specification is unreasonable, and they understand this.
Bringing their own food to an event that does not cater to them is a very reasonable response to the situation and something her fellow vegans are fully aware of a willing to do.
She Can Pay For It
Some have suggested in the thread that OP’s friend should consider funding the additions themselves:
“Definitely NTA. You’ve already accommodated her. Seems like she’s trying to make more things about her when it shouldn’t be. If she really wants to have a vegan main course option, tell her she’s welcome to pay for it.”
It is an interesting topic of discussion in the thread. Many have agreed that this is a very reasonable idea. The friend wants a lot of extra effort and attention for her and her diet. Therefore, she should be the one that pays for the convenience. This is especially true for wedding costs which are significantly higher due to the occasion. It would even make a good wedding gift.
Source: Reddit
