OP was a bridesmaid for her friend, Grace, whose older relative, Carol, was a wedding planner. On the day before the wedding, Grace and her soon-to-be groom were upset because the family was trying to make the day about themselves instead of the couple. They asked the bridal party to keep the family away from the rooms where they would get ready. Despite this, Carol and Grace’s mom undermined Grace’s beautiful day. During the photo session, Carol insulted Grace and OP, telling them to get the grimaces off their faces, and the photographer had to stop because of her behavior. OP had a panic attack and ignored Grace’s family for the rest of the day.
OP is questioning if she is the a**hole for not giving Carol a chance to apologize. However, given Carol’s behavior, her apology may not have been sincere or sufficient to make up for the hurt she caused. Understandably, OP needed space to manage her emotions and support her friend on her special day. Carol’s behavior was unprofessional and unacceptable, and she should be held accountable for her actions.
She Started It
Most Redditors agree that there should be a balance between two conflicting parties, particularly when they are essentially family. Often situations are sparked by one irritated party from which another responds appropriately; therefore, blame can complicate:
“NTA. She was being sour; you were sour back. Maybe she shouldn’t dish it if she can’t handle it. As for giving room for her to talk, you don’t owe anyone time to apologize. Anyway, if she did want to apologize, she should do so to the couple and not to you… it was their day she was ruining.”
It is an excellent point about blame and responsibility. The commenter makes a good point that an apology should be received by the couple, as it is their day that got ruined.
Friends Stick Together
Bridesmaids are some of the most important attendees at weddings. They are there to help the bride at all costs and keep a smooth running day. Therefore, it is noted that it is only natural that the OP would want to stick up for her friend.
“NTA. She was ruining Grace’s day. You’re a good friend, and I’m sorry Carol induced a panic attack for you.”
The Redditors agreed that she was a good person and a protective friend, as she should be. She was only doing what was right for her friend, who she had a duty to protect.
She Did What She Had To Do
Some people deserve to be taken down a peg or two. When someone is being harsh and critical, sometimes they deserve to have someone confront them on their actions.
“She was rude and sounded like she was pestering. No wonder she got your back up a bit.”
When OP got angry, people on Reddit were in agreement that they believed that Grace had done enough to warrant OP’s reaction. If people are going to be harsh, eventually, they will push it too far and irritate someone enough to encourage a response.
Consequences Of Her Action
There are sometimes reasons for people deserve to have consequences. There are going to be some likely consequences that Grace will have to face, according to their commenter.
“NTA. You rock as a friend. And someone, please give her “business” a review noting how awful she was even planning for a family member!”
Redditors are putting forward some perhaps nasty suggestions. They are calling for OP to give a strongly worded but fair review of her business practices. After all, she was the wedding planner and should have been aware that she represented her business to everyone at the wedding.
Some suggested this was too harsh as it was a close family engagement, and there is no need to criticize someone’s business. Ultimately, it should be the bride’s duty to deal with the planner and the friend since it was her wedding.