This world is confusing at times and we want to help remove some of the confusion. Here we give you 100 jokes that will help you tell the difference between this and that.
Hope these make your life that much easier…
1. What’s the difference between a piano, glue, and a tuna?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you’d get stuck on that.
2. What’s the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?
One is heavy while the other is a little lighter
3. What’s the difference between an Italian barber and an angry circus ringmaster?
One’s a shaving Roman and the others a raving showman
4. What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
5. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, the other has a pause at the end of its clause
6. What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a dog?
Santa Claus wears a suit, and a dog just… pants!
7. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know, and I don’t care
8. What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families
9. What’s the difference between a jeweler and a sea captain?
One sees the watches, and the other watches the seas
10. What’s the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching
11. What’s the difference between a catfish and a thief?
One’s a bottom-dwelling scum sucker; the other’s just a fish
12. What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep. A horror night is when your teddy bear hugs you back
13. What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?
No one cries when you chop up an accordion!
14. What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and the other watches cells
15. What’s the difference between a washing machine and a violist?
Vibrato
16. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but body can pea soup
17. Whats the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning
18. What’s the difference between pizza and your opinion?
I asked for the pizza
19. What’s the difference between America and a pen drive?
One is the USA and the other is a USB
20. What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One you’ll see later; the other you’ll see in a while
21. What’s the difference between a museum and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
22. What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time…” A Southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”
23. What’s the difference between a yacht and a boat?
About $100 million
24. What’s the difference between a female ant and a male ant?
A girl ant sinks in the water. A buoyant floats
25. What’s the difference between a pie and a cobbler?
One’s a dessert and the other makes shoes
26. What’s the difference between the winner of a body-building competition and a couch potato?
One has a trophy for muscles and the other has muscle atrophy
27. What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline
28. What’s the difference between the Dark Knight and a dark night?
The letter k
29. What’s the difference between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise?
Nothing, they both try to get rid of Klingons
30. What’s the difference between your best high score and your worst epic fail?
A bit
31. What’s the difference between a restaurant lounge and an elephant fart?
One’s a barroom and the other’s a BARROOM
32. What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy?
One baits his hook and the other hates his book
33. What’s the difference between a battle horse and a cart-horse?
One darts into the fray and the other farts into the hay
34. What’s the difference between a macaw and a banjo?
One’s loud, obnoxious, and noisy. The other’s a bird
35. What’s the difference between a booger and broccoli?
Kids won’t eat broccoli
36. What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives. A frog croaks every night
37. What’s the difference between a guitar and a jellyfish?
You can’t strum a jellyfish
38. What’s the difference between a dead dinosaur and a lump of coal?
A million years
39. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”
40. What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment
41. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted
42. What’s the difference between rain and a shower?
Consent
43. What’s the difference between a snail’s eye and a slug’s eye?
Nothing… they’re eye-tentacle
44. What’s the difference between a German Tiger and a Siberian Tiger?
One can survive the Winter
45. What’s the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth’s atmosphere from space?
One’s meaty, but the other is a little meteor
46. What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist is the guy who created the airplane. A pessimist is the guy who created the parachute
47. What’s the difference between the universe and a German Autobahn (highway)?
The universe has a speed limit
48. What is the difference between a $200 wine and a $20 wine?
$180
49. What’s the difference between cake and pie?
π is r². Cakes are round
50. What’s the difference between putting a microchip in a snail and punching a grasshopper in the face?
One is bugging a slug. The other is slugging a bug
51. What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally
52. What’s the difference between a Stoat and a Weasel?
A weasel is weasely recognised whereas a Stoat is stoatally different
53. What’s the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?
One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air
54. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?
Timing
55. What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes?
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential
56. What is the difference between elephants and grapes?
Grapes are purple
57. What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
58. What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad
59. What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo
60. What’s the difference between a cat and a bannana?
It’s hard to peel a cat
61. Whats the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up
62. What’s the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b
63. What’s the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig
64. What’s the difference between a Business Man and a Business Woman?
Wo
65. What’s the difference between a school and a human?
A human can walk and a school can’t
66. What’s the differents between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird!
67. What is a difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids and a tree is for birds
68. Dad: What’s the difference between an elephant and a postbox?
Son: I don’t know.
Dad: I’d better not trust you with my post then.
69. What’s the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One’s a good lot of fat the other’s a fat lot of good
70. What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet?
One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis!
71. What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer
72. What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?
One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop
73. What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags a tail and the other tags a whale
74. What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 5000 miles
75. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more
76. What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
Valentines Day
77. What’s the difference between a dog and a cat?
The spelling!
78. What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!
79. What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
80. What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels
81. What’s the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
You can tune a chainsaw
82. What’s the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?
You have to turn one of them on before it sucks
83. What’s the difference between an injured lion and a wet day?
One pours with rain, the other roars with pain!
84. What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ?
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!
85. What’s the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One’s awake in the night, the other’s a wake in the day!
86. What s the difference between a duck and a drummer walking down the street?
The duck is probably on his way to a gig
87. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline!
88. What’s the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawn mower and don’t return it
89. What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
One is reined up and the other rains down
90. What’s the difference between a violin and a cello?
The cello burns longer
91. What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
92. What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!
93. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has noel
94. What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
One is bored over a man, and the other is a man overboard
95. What’s the difference between Hanukkah and a dragon?
One lasts for eight nights and one sometimes ate knights
96. What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it
97. What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows
98. What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down
99. What’s the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
100. What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four
Okay. You’ve gone through the list and yoo o h us are armed with a new understanding about this world and it’s diversity. You have become a little bit wiser and a more humorous person.
Go into the world and enjoy the differences you discover.
Farah Zeb is a mother of five, including two children with special needs. She shares practical parenting tips and resources to help other families navigate daily challenges and create supportive, nurturing environments.
