The OP, a 30-year-old individual, has always been told by their father that he would pay for their wedding. However, since starting a relationship with a woman with extreme views, the father has insisted that the wedding must be vegan, including the shoes, alcohol, and clothing worn by other guests.
The father’s partner is judgmental of how the OP lives and has accused them of attempting to steal her father’s inheritance, which the OP denies. The OP has decided that it’s best for their father and his partner not to attend the wedding because of the partner’s behavior towards the OP’s mother and the partner’s constant lecturing about veganism.
Did the father go too far?
The OP’s father’s partner appears to have very extreme views and is attempting to control aspects of the wedding that go beyond the food.
The OP has expressed concern about the partner’s judgmental behavior towards their lifestyle choices, which suggests that the partner is attempting to impose their beliefs on the OP. Additionally, the partner’s accusations of the OP trying to steal her father’s inheritance appear unfounded, indicating that the partner may be paranoid or suspicious for no reason.
One commenter states, “He broke a promise, tries to make everything about him, and his new partner causes tension, which is definitely not what a wedding is for. It‘s your wedding and your decision. They dug their own grave and basically uninvited themselves.”
Understandably, the OP would not want their guests to be lectured about veganism, especially if the OP’s guests have their own beliefs and preferences. While the OP’s father may have good intentions, his partner’s behavior appears to be causing more harm than good. The OP has made a reasonable decision to exclude their father and his partner from their wedding, given the partner’s behavior towards the OP’s mother and the risk of disruption to the wedding day.
Is the OP the A**hole*?
Well, the OP writes the following explanation for why they think they might be in the wrong:
“I might be the AH because I have uninvited my dad to my wedding because our views differ so much. I want him there in my heart, but he’s making it impossible. Some of his side of the family think I am wrong to do so, but I don’t know. I feel betrayed.”
Although initially, the OP sounds like she may be going too far, after reading all the comments and the full article, she is just trying to do the best for her and her partner in a bad situation.
What’s the solution?
Can everyone come out on top in this scenario? It’s unclear. However, one Redditor suggests:
“NTA. Just invite your dad without a plus one. Mention that a vegan option will be available just to show you’re taking the fist step. Of course he will refuse to come alone and then, you just say how sorry your are he can’t make it. Checkmate in one move. Problem solved.”
Perhaps that’s petty, but maybe it’s also a solution! It’s the OP’s big day, and if she feels torn, this may be the best solution.
Or maybe the OP can be a little less dramatic and instead have a rational conversation with her dad. One Redditor suggests:
“From the title, I was going with YTA, but after reading her post, it’s definitely NTA. Tell your father you really want him there at your wedding but don’t want the drama involved.”
I mean, if he is the one with the problem, she should put the focus back on him and let him choose whether he wants to swallow his pride and come to the wedding or remain stubborn and lose out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch his daughter get married. I know what I would do!
Final Thoughts
Overall, it’s important to respect others’ beliefs and preferences, but it’s equally important to ensure that one’s own beliefs are not imposed on others. The OP’s father’s partner appears to be overstepping boundaries and attempting to control aspects of the wedding beyond the food.
It’s understandable that the OP would not want to be lectured about veganism on their wedding day, and it’s important to prioritize the comfort and enjoyment of guests on such a special occasion.
Source: Reddit