These men never understood how close they were to being murdered!
Fifteen online community members shared the stupidest things their man said while giving birth.
Ease Up On The Gas, Babe
“He doesn’t think I remember this because I was pretty zonked, but I was sucking on that sweet gas while I was riding contractions, and he said, ‘Ease up on the gas, babe.’ The nurse looked him dead on and said, ‘She can have as much gas as she wants.’ He was suitably cowered until it was time to cut the cord.”
That is NOT the best thing to say.
Would You Like a Pork Pie?
While some of these stories are maddening, others are wholesome in their funny little way.
“My BIL, at a complete loss on how to help or comfort his wife, panicked and pulled a six-pack of Tesco mini pork pies out of his pocket and offered her one mid-birth. That was 17 years ago, and we are still laughing about it.”
Stop Screaming. You’re Scaring Other Women
Amazingly, the sharer refrained from killing him.
Many users admired her for not grabbing him and squeezing it within an inch of its life at that moment.
Gents, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything.
I’m Tired
“My daughter’s dad said he was exhausted after watching me go through 11 hours of labor unmedicated. Left after she was born because he was so tired. It has been 26 years, and I can still remember the nurse stopping what she was doing, looking at him, looking at me, shaking her head, then going back to what she was doing.”
The Lady Down the Hall is Going to Beat Us!
It’s not a race, Kevin!
One lady shared why her man wanted her to hurry up: “It was January 1st. He wanted us to win 1st baby of the New Year.”
She also shared that she didn’t win – she came second!
I Think You’re Making This Pain Up
One lady shared this humdinger.
“And I quote, ‘I think you’re making a lot of this pain up because when I’m around, you don’t want to speak to me, but when the nurse comes in, you’re really nice to her.’ I tried to explain that the nurse was giving me pain meds, and if my husband had anything to offer, I would have been nice to him as well.”
It should be illegal to be this foolish.
Hurry Up
“When I was in labor, my ex asked if I could hurry up because he was looking forward to his two weeks off work relaxing while I looked after the baby and our other children.”
Not surprising that he is now an ex.
Throw a Stitch
“He told the doctor to throw another stitch in there when she was sewing me up from the episiotomy… without a beat, she said she could throw a stitch in his direction.”
Go, nurse!
This is Exhausting
One lady shared her experience, leaving us speechless: “I was in labor for 46hrs, and the pain made it impossible to eat, and once they gave me the epidural, I just wasn’t allowed to eat. My baby daddy was like, ‘This is exhausting, I need to eat something…’ and he ordered a whole pizza to my room and ate it in front of me.”
Put Some Pants On
One lady’s water broke in the tub. She got out, and her body started pushing on its own: “I fell on all fours and felt her crowning. He woke our son up and set him on the bed in our room facing me on all fours, then grabbed a pair of pants from the closet and tossed [them] at me and said, ‘Put some pants on. We’re going to the hospital.’ I said, ‘I don’t think I can put pants on. She’s coming out.’ He walked around me and used the flashlight on his phone to check, then asked me if he should call 911. Then he decided to search for a cord while I delivered her myself on the bathroom floor.”
Does It Hurt?
This one is quite thoughtful in its foolish way: “I’m not sure who called who. But his sister was on the phone and was also pregnant and due a week after me. Asked, ‘How much does it hurt? So he could give his sister a heads up!’”
Bless him.
Think of the Shetlands
Again, thoughtful in its way, albeit not helpful at all. “Not mine but my mother’s. During her unmedicated labor, my father told her to ‘think of the Shetlands’ (his home county). My Aussie-born mother, who had never even been there, understandably screamed at him, ‘Forget the Shetlands!’”
Oh, dear.
My Throat Hurts
One sharer told of her partner’s relentless whining and his, er, sausage biscuit!
“‘My throat hurts.’ He also tried to sneak in breakfast for himself, but I could smell that delicious sausage biscuit and told him to get out now.”
I Have a Headache
She was in labor for three days. He had a headache…
“I was induced on a Friday, but labor didn’t officially start until Sunday. Saturday night, after contractions all day with no progression or anything, I was exhausted and hungry and just out of sorts, to say the least. He told me he was going to go home and sleep there because he wasn’t comfortable on the couch and he had a headache! Still bugs me to this day, and she is almost 27!”
Is anyone else rolling their eyes?
It Looks Like Roast Beef
This one takes the biscuit:
“While giggling: ‘Your area looks like roast beef.’ The OB looked up in horror. I laughed and said, ‘That’s funny but you’re awful.’ He’s not great at thinking about what he is saying ahead of time. Love him anyway.”
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