Having a family that doesn’t accept or understand neurodivergence can be an incredibly challenging experience. Whether you are the parent of a neurodivergent child, a neurodivergent individual yourself, or simply someone close to someone who is neurodivergent, feeling unsupported by your own family can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood.
Neurodivergence encompasses a range of conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and more. Unfortunately, stigma, misinformation, and lack of education often create resistance and misunderstanding around these differences.
If you find yourself in a situation where your family does not accept or understand neurodivergence, here are steps you can take to address the situation.
1. Educate and Share Information
A common reason for a lack of understanding about neurodivergence is simply ignorance. Many people still hold outdated views about conditions like autism and ADHD, seeing them as something “wrong” or as a “phase” that will resolve itself. In these cases, education is one of the most powerful tools you have.
Start by calmly sharing information about neurodivergence. You can provide articles, books, or even videos from trusted sources that explain neurodivergence in a non-judgmental way. Choose materials that are easy to understand and that present the facts in a compassionate, evidence-based manner.
Read More: Celebrating Milestones: Recognizing Achievements for Children with Special Needs
When offering information, try to avoid confrontation or an accusatory tone, as this can make others defensive and less open to learning.
You might consider using personal experiences as teaching tools. Sharing your own or your child’s experiences can help others see the emotional and practical realities of living with neurodivergence.
Personalizing the experience can sometimes make it easier for people to empathize and understand.
2. Set Boundaries
If your family is unwilling to accept or respect neurodivergence, setting clear and firm boundaries is essential. This might mean explaining that certain types of language or behavior (like using disrespectful terms or belittling neurodivergent individuals) are not acceptable in your presence.
Boundaries are about protecting your well-being and the well-being of your loved ones. If family members continue to undermine or dismiss neurodivergence, you may need to distance yourself, at least temporarily, from that toxic environment.
Setting boundaries also means prioritizing your own mental and emotional health. You cannot change others’ beliefs or actions if they are not willing to listen or grow. It’s okay to decide that your family’s lack of understanding is not something you are willing to tolerate indefinitely. Protecting your emotional and mental health is paramount.
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3. Seek Support Outside of the Family
If your family is unsupportive, it’s crucial to seek support elsewhere. This could be through online communities, local support groups, or therapy. Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can help reduce feelings of isolation and validate your experiences.
For parents of neurodivergent children, support groups are invaluable. They provide not only practical advice but also emotional support from others who are walking a similar path.
There are also therapists who specialize in working with families on navigating difficult situations involving neurodivergence. A trained professional can provide strategies for addressing family conflicts and improving communication around these issues.
As a neurodivergent individual, joining communities that embrace neurodiversity can help you feel seen and heard.
These communities offer a space where you can share your experiences without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. It’s also an opportunity to learn how others cope with similar challenges and gain confidence in advocating for yourself.
4. Practice Patience and Compassion
It’s important to understand that changing someone’s perspective takes time. If your family has grown up with misconceptions about neurodivergence, it may not be easy to change their views overnight.
Practice patience and empathy, even if they don’t offer the same in return. While you cannot control others’ beliefs, you can set an example of understanding and compassion.
Sometimes, family members resist because they are frightened by the unknown or are struggling to understand how they can be supportive.
If possible, try to be patient with them and recognize their own challenges. Educating them might require multiple conversations, so be prepared to have ongoing discussions.
That said, it’s important to remember that your patience should not come at the cost of your well-being. If the situation remains toxic, you have the right to protect yourself and your loved ones.
Read More: Why a Simple “Thank You” Can Be So Difficult for Neurodivergent Children
5. Model Advocacy for Neurodivergence
One of the most powerful ways to shift your family’s views is by actively advocating for neurodivergence in your own life.
Whether that’s standing up for your child’s educational needs, speaking up for your own rights in the workplace, or promoting positive stories of neurodivergent individuals, being an advocate sets an example for others.
Sometimes, families change their perspective when they see how important neurodivergence is to their loved ones and how it affects their daily lives.
Modeling self-advocacy not only shows your family that you are proud of who you are (or proud of your child’s neurodivergence), but it also educates them about the strength, resilience, and value that neurodivergent individuals bring to the world.
6. Know When to Seek Professional Help
If family dynamics are causing significant emotional harm, or if conflicts are persistent, seeking professional help may be necessary.
A family therapist can facilitate conversations between you and your family, helping to create understanding and break down barriers. Therapy can also provide a space for you to express your feelings, gain coping strategies, and receive guidance on navigating difficult family relationships.
Having a neutral third party involved can sometimes help family members understand your perspective and give them the tools to respond in a more supportive manner. It can also help you find ways to manage your own emotional response to the situation.
Read More: 10 Biggest Challenges About Parenting a Neurodivergent Child
7. Understand That Change Takes Time
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, some family members may never fully accept neurodivergence. While you may have the hope that everyone will come around, it’s important to recognize that change can be slow, and some people may need more time than others to come to terms with these differences.
In these cases, it’s crucial to adjust your expectations and focus on what you can control: your own well-being and your immediate family’s happiness. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Change within the family will happen only if there is openness to it. If that openness is not there, you may need to prioritize your peace of mind over trying to change others.
When family members don’t accept or understand neurodivergence, it can feel like a painful burden.
But there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your loved ones, educate others, and create the support system you need.
Education, setting boundaries, seeking outside support, practicing patience, and advocating for neurodivergence are all powerful tools in addressing familial rejection. Remember, you deserve to be supported and loved for who you are, and if your family cannot provide that, there are other ways to find understanding and connection.
It’s okay to protect your peace and seek out those who celebrate neurodiversity.
Farah Zeb is a mother of five, including two children with special needs. She shares practical parenting tips and resources to help other families navigate daily challenges and create supportive, nurturing environments.
