Parenting a child who struggles to express gratitude can be incredibly challenging. It’s easy to feel disheartened when you give your all to provide love, care, and support, and yet your child struggles to say “thank you.”
For many neurodivergent children, it can feel like they are simply ungrateful, but the reality is often much more complex than that.
For children with emotional regulation challenges, such as those with autism or ADHD, expressing emotions through words, especially gratitude, can be overwhelming.
The very phrase “thank you” may carry more emotional weight than they are able to process. The struggle to say “thank you” isn’t about a lack of appreciation; rather, it can be tied to their heightened sensitivity to emotions and difficulty expressing them in a socially acceptable way.
Emotional Overload Can Be the Barrier
For neurodivergent children, gratitude isn’t just a simple social gesture—it can be a deep and intense emotional experience.
The more they feel grateful, the harder it may be to express those feelings through words. Often, the act of expressing gratitude requires a level of emotional regulation that these children may not have yet mastered.
The emotional complexity of gratitude can make it feel like an insurmountable task. This is especially true when the child feels overwhelmed by a flood of emotions, leaving them unable to find the words they need.
The situation is similar for neurodivergent adults, myself included. I can relate to the intense difficulty of saying “thank you” when it feels like a flood of emotions is bubbling over. For me, expressing gratitude can sometimes bring tears to my eyes because of the overwhelming sense of appreciation and vulnerability that comes with it. It’s not that I don’t feel the gratitude; it’s that the emotional weight of the words makes it harder to express than one might think.
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The Overwhelming Pressure of Social Expectations
The social expectation to say “thank you” is often deeply ingrained in many of us, but for neurodivergent individuals, this expectation can feel like additional pressure.
It’s not that they don’t understand the concept of gratitude, but rather that they may struggle to communicate it in a way that feels comfortable for them.
For some neurodivergent children, words simply don’t come as easily as they do for others. The act of expressing emotions verbally can become a challenge that they must work through, even when they are deeply appreciative.
Sometimes, these children may show their gratitude through actions or gestures instead of words.
They may hug, smile, or try to reciprocate the favor in their own way, which may not align with the traditional expectations of “thank you.” These expressions of gratitude are just as meaningful, but they often go unnoticed or misunderstood by those who are expecting the familiar verbal response.
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Recognizing the Deeper Gratitude
As parents, caregivers, or loved ones, it’s essential to recognize that gratitude doesn’t always have to be verbal to be valid. For neurodivergent children, there may be an intense internal gratitude that simply can’t find its way out in words.
While they may struggle to say “thank you,” their actions, their attempts to connect, or their way of showing appreciation in their own unique way can be just as powerful.
It’s important to understand that for neurodivergent children, words may be the hardest part. They are often feeling gratitude on a deeper level, but that feeling is so overwhelming that expressing it becomes a challenge.
As caregivers, we can support these children by recognizing their non-verbal signs of gratitude and offering patience as they navigate these emotional hurdles.
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Building Emotional Regulation Skills
Over time, as children develop emotional regulation skills, they may be able to better manage the intensity of their feelings and find more ways to express their gratitude. Therapy, support, and tools like social stories, role-playing, and emotional regulation exercises can help neurodivergent children learn to understand and manage their emotions in a way that allows them to express gratitude more comfortably.
In the meantime, it’s important for parents to create a space where these children feel supported and not pressured to perform social rituals in a way that feels overwhelming. Recognizing that their inability to say “thank you” is not a reflection of their gratitude but rather a reflection of their struggle to express it, is key to building their emotional and social confidence.
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Patience and Understanding Go a Long Way
When raising a neurodivergent child, it’s crucial to understand that expressing gratitude might not always happen in the way we expect.
For many neurodivergent children and adults, saying “thank you” can be emotionally charged and difficult to articulate.
The more deeply they feel gratitude, the harder it can be to find the words. However, this doesn’t mean they are ungrateful. It’s simply a part of their emotional experience that needs understanding and patience.
As parents, caregivers, and loved ones, we can help by recognizing their gratitude in other ways, through actions, non-verbal cues, or simply by offering patience as they work through their emotions.
Gratitude is a deeply personal feeling, and even when words aren’t available, it’s always there, waiting to be seen in how they express themselves.
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Farah Zeb is a mother of five, including two children with special needs. She shares practical parenting tips and resources to help other families navigate daily challenges and create supportive, nurturing environments.
