These 20 traits may not seem like a big deal, but they have a way of being super insidious!
Agreeability
“After a while you realize they never make any decisions and just go with whatever you want to do, which makes it so that you make literally all the decisions. It’s exhausting.”
It’s nice to be with someone that has their own opinions and ideas. Like you ask what do you want to do this weekend and it’s always whatever you want to do.”
Hiding Behind Humor
“It’s fine to be funny, but it becomes a problem when the person prioritizes being funny over being kind.”.
“Trying to be the funniest one in the crowd is hiding deeper parts of themselves… never have to get into a deep conversation if you’re always cracking jokes…”
Being Mean to Everyone But You
“He was always sweet and adoring towards me while a complete monster to everyone else… it’s not that he has a soft spot for you! It only lasts so long before they switch up on you too.”
Passiveness
“It turns out they were passive about everything, including what they wanted for their future, career, money, etc. There wasn’t one thing in their life that they desired for themselves.”
“I’m currently noticing this with my partner…it’s rough and it hurts.”
People Pleasing
“I used to think they were generous people with kind hearts, but over time I learned not to trust them because they’re not true to themselves and are very resentful people due to their inability to say how they really feel.
They do nice things to ‘get’ you to like them, not because they actually want to.”
Conflict Avoidance
“Nobody wants to fight all the time, but an inability to have a disagreement without shutting down completely is not sustainable in an adult relationship. It only builds resentment.”
“My partner does this anytime I’m upset about something he deems ‘unworthy to be upset about,’ basically. [He] just walks away or ignores me when I’m trying to communicate.”
Being a Social Butterfly
“Turns out he was always seeing who he could reel in for later and had more back burners than a restaurant.
Always talking to women and exchanging info and talking to them, but it was to see how far he could get. Lots of emotional cheating and eventually affairs etc.”
Closed-Mindedness/Uneducated
“Poor education. Seemed like no big deal. He was able to provide, and he did well in life. But that lack of quality conversation was just so boring.”
“Along with people who seemed to have shut their brain off after graduating college or high school.”
Disputatiousness
“At first it felt like fun banter, but after a few years, it was exhausting how he ALWAYS had to be right. Couldn’t even have minor disagreements like who the actor in a movie was without it becoming a whole thing, never mind if we actually needed to discuss something serious.”
OTT Adult Entertainment Consumption
“I never dealt with it in my previous relationship of 15 years, but finding out the degree of it in my new relationship.
It’s such a huge turn-off, and we are expected to just accept it because ‘that’s how men are. They are visual creatures. I’m learning that daily obscene consumption is a boundary of mine.”
Any Self-Proclaimed Empath
“It turns into ‘look how much I’m hurting because of your pain’. The point I’m making is that people who claim to be empaths often make other people’s emotions about them.
Rather than letting a person grieve, it becomes about how much the other person’s grief affects them.”
Indecisiveness
“It always kinda annoyed me that he had no opinion on what he wanted to eat or watch. But when he met someone he was interested in and the time came to choose between me and her, he had no idea how to choose. I even had to decide to end our relationship because he couldn’t choose.”
Being Religious
“You may think it is okay to have different religious views; however… wait until kids come into the picture…then it is game on. Have those conversations first.”
Codependent
“Might be cute for the beginning but turns out really stressful if you can’t have a day for yourself like for the whole relationship. Calls, uninvited visits, etc., can start really nice as a sign of ‘I think about you/care for you’ but can also be a flag [that they] might be a control freak.”
Poor Money Management
“Not everything is about money, but if you can’t afford to support yourself while also somehow being able to afford frivolous ‘wants’, then that’s a no-go. I will not be your stand-in mom and take care of you if you’re capable of doing so yourself, just because you can’t prioritize where your money goes.”
Know-It-All
“I loved it at first, but he grew to be condescending. My friends hated him for it because he’d always initiate arguments. ‘Never let the truth get in the way of a good story’ is something I learned. He ended up being a huge liar.”
Mean Jokes
“Consistently making demeaning ‘jokes’ about you or your abilities. Death by a thousand cuts. It’s passive-aggressive and completely repulsive.”
“Oh, my ex did this too. And if I ever said anything, it was, ‘just take a joke,’ ‘stop being so serious.’ But if I told him a joke, all hell broke loose.”
Being a Picky Eater
“I begin to resent you for it. I think it’s incredibly immature and childish.”
“I love to cook, eat, and geek out over really good food. It sucked when my partner didn’t like anything I would make, or I would have to make two versions to accommodate his many dislikes.”
Lazy Around The House
“For me, it was messiness. It translated to me being responsible for all the housework & cleaning up after his mess. I became a caregiver, not a partner.”
Brutal Honesty
“‘Telling it like it is’ — at first it seemed like an admirable trait, to be with someone that’s blunt and straightforward. But after a while, I realized they just didn’t want to be held accountable or questioned for saying awful things.”
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