A man went online to ask if he was a jerk for not informing his nut-allergic girlfriend that his food had peanuts.
Need to Get Along Better.
The man went online to ask if he was in the wrong.
“So this happened last week, and my girlfriend and I haven’t really been getting along since, and I just wanted an unbiased opinion.”
The Backstory.
“I (26M) have been dating Ella (22F) for two months now.
My family is from an Asian background, so a majority of the food I cook for myself includes peanuts and other nuts because it’s an essential ingredient in my cultural dishes.”
The Couple Doesn’t Live Together.
“I live alone, so I just cook my food, but because of Ella’s allergy, I don’t cook foods with peanuts when I know I’m also cooking for her.”
“Her allergy is only reactive if she ingests a good amount of the nut and is unaffected by smell, airborne, and small traces of cross-contamination.”
She Helped Herself.
“Recently, I made a dish which contains heavy usage of nuts blended into the curry so you can’t see that they’re there and left the leftovers in my fridge.
Ella came over while I was in the shower, and during that time, she apparently went into my fridge and helped herself to a significant portion of the curry and immediately started having an allergic reaction.”
She Accused Him of Causing Her Harm.
Despite being unaware, she would help herself to his food.
“Luckily, she had her EpiPen and was okay after a few minutes, but she absolutely went off on me and kept accusing me of causing her harm.”
Guilty Feelings.
“I felt incredibly guilty that she had a bad allergic reaction to my food and apologized profusely and offered to take her to the hospital, but she was just screaming at me the whole time.
She said that if I cared about her, I should have labeled all of my food for her and told her exactly what in the fridge has nuts.”
He Is Understanding… to a Point.
“I understand that this is extremely scary and important for her health, but at the same time, she 1) never asked me to label things before, 2) went into my fridge and helped herself to my food without even asking me, 3) got mad at me for cooking my cultural dishes at all because they have her allergen in them.”
He Won’t Take the Blame.
“I told her that going forward, I’ll try to put a sticky note on the containers that have nuts in the food so this doesn’t happen again, but that she also cannot blame me for her allergic reaction when she ate my food without even asking me if she could or what was in it.”
He Asked for Advice.
The man logged onto a popular online forum to ask if he was in the wrong here.
The forum had his back.
Not the Jerk.
“It is her responsibility not to eat a dish if she doesn’t know what is in it. You don’t need to label your food or change your cooking process; she just needs to ask you if something has nuts before eating it.
Also, it is kind of a red flag that she was assuming all your food in your home would be peanut free when you have only been dating two months.”
What Was She Thinking?
“As someone with significant allergies, it is my responsibility, AND MINE ALONE, to ensure my food does not cause me to go into a crisis. What was she thinking?
Also, why the blowout to you? She’s being careless with her health and a significant jerk to you. Run for the hills, OP [original poster]. That witch sounds unhinged, entitled, and manipulative.”
It’s Her Fault.
“She took it upon herself to eat something from your fridge without asking you if it contained nuts…. That is her fault and her fault alone.”
“You mean she STOLE food from the fridge.”
It Might Be Wise to Call It a Day.
“OP NTA, and at least it’s only two months into this relationship, I would be evaluating if it’s worth continuing this relationship after her demands and irresponsible behavior that she is refusing to take responsibility for.”
Red Flag.
“Just going to the fridge and eating leftovers without asking is already a big red flag. You are just together for two months, and she behaves as if she lives there.
How often do you save food for a special occasion or to take to work so that you don’t need to cook because you loved the dish and wanted it for the next day…”
Votes Were Unanimous – She’s the Jerk.
“I don’t have any allergies, but I have several food intolerances, so while I experience unpleasant symptoms, they are non-fatal.
I’d never go into someone’s house and take an assembled dish without checking what it was. NTA, but your girlfriend most definitely is an A H.”
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