OP is in dating a polyamorous woman and has been engaged to his partner for some time. However, he’s been struggling with the fact that she has other mates and feels awkward with what she does with them in public. After asking for advice from different sources, he spoke to his partner and said that he wanted to terminate the engagement and move on with their lives.
She Wants to Stay Polyamorous
Although his partner said she loved him and did not want things to end, she also said that she wanted to stay poly and would not open up physically in public until she was more comfortable with him.
They’re Going to Postpone the Wedding
They had a lot of back and forth but ultimately decided to postpone the wedding while they figured things out.
OP Has Moved Out – He Feels Tortured and Hurt
OP has moved in with a relative and feels tortured and hurt. While some of his partner’s friends have reached out to him on her behalf, telling him that she is shattered and wants him to come home, OP’s family and friends have told him to do what is best for him.
Is The Relationship Doomed to Fail?
Although he acknowledges that his partner has been supportive and loving, he feels that the relationship may be doomed to fail and is considering ending it. As of now, they have agreed to give it a month apart before coming back to it.
Readers Discuss the Difficult Situation
Many readers have been discussing the difficulties of OP’s situation but generally accept that his partner is not being honest with her intentions.
“You are still allowing her to manipulate you. No person agrees to marry someone but yet ‘doesn’t feel comfortable enough to open up’ around them. She is feeding you a load of horse manure. Quite honestly, the reason she wants to marry you is because you allow her to treat you this way.”
Honestly and Openness Are the Cornerstones of Marriage
This reader explains that were they genuinely in love and moving towards marriage, then his partner should never have an issue sharing everything. Honestly and openness are the cornerstones of marriage, so many commenters agree that this is a fundamentally flawed attitude.
He’s Willing to Put Up With Her Behavior – Is That Why She Wants to Marry Him
They move on to suggest that the only reason she may want to marry OP is that he is willing to put up with this behavior. She has conditioned him to allow her to do as she pleases, which is an excellent deal for her and not so much for the OP.
There’s Not Enough Info to Agree With That Idea
Although there is not enough information to agree with this premise, it is the opinion of a number of people in the thread. Therefore, OP should take their opinions under advisement.
Readers Deconstruct OP’s Message
There are some contributors who have deconstructed OP’s message more thoroughly. This has been done to reflect how OP is coming across, which will perhaps make how he feels clearer:
“I was wondering when it was going to start. You wrote 8 paragraphs on how you shouldn’t be together, then at the end, you talk yourself out of it. She literally told you she cannot give you what you want in a relationship, and you are still on the fence.”
He’s Infatuated and Is Trying to Rationalize Their Differences
OP spent the whole time explaining his love for his partner and how much he wants their relationship to work. He is infatuated with her and is trying to rationalize their differences as a means to make it work.
There’s a Crucial Flaw in Their Relationship
However, there is a crucial flaw in their relationship. She is unwilling to give up her lifestyle for him. It is clear that OP is emotionally hurting, but he needs to understand that this is unlikely to work out.
He’s Just Delaying the Inevitable
Commenters are keen to highlight that two people with very different values and lifestyles will always struggle to work. OP is trying to avoid the pain of leaving her, but in many ways, it seems like he is just delaying the inevitable.
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