A couple from differing cultures recently had an argument over her clothing at a pool party, so he asked an online community if he was wrong for getting angry about her choice of swimwear.
They Come From Different Backgrounds
The 26-year-old man comes from a Muslim background, and his 22-year-old girlfriend is white, but the cultural differences have rarely been a problem.
“We’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, we have a great relationship, and I definitely see a future together! We really love and respect each other and connect well!”
They’ve Clashed Over Her Clothing Before
The man admits that some of his girlfriend’s “small” clothing has made him uncomfortable in the past.
“Now my gf does like wearing a bit short clothing when out and about, which used to bother me at first and made me uncomfortable, and we did have a few minor fights over it, but eventually I came to terms with it.”
An “Embarrassing Situation” Happened Recently
The couple were invited to a pool party that the man’s parents would attend.
“I specifically told her to please pack something more on the modest side, as my family would be there (and most women usually don’t wear such revealing stuff in our culture). She didn’t give much of a response and just nodded.”
He Wasn’t Happy With What He Saw
Come the day of the party. His girlfriend hadn’t opted for a “modest” swimsuit.
“What did I see in the pool? Her wearing a two-piece bikini (with quite cheeky bottoms too!) Even one piece would’ve been better, but no, she went all in this time! She was probably the one who dressed most immodestly.”
He Was Mortified
No one said anything about the bikini, but the man wasn’t impressed.
“I was so embarrassed I couldn’t show my face to my parents and all.”
They Had An Argument About It
He called her out on the bikini.
“I did talk to her about it and scolded her a bit, and she told me, ‘She can wear whatever the hell she wants, whenever she wants.’ I couldn’t say anything afterward. We’ve been quiet to each other for a while but are slowly making up now.”
He Wanted To Know If He Was Wrong To Be Mad
The man asked an online community if he was wrong for reprimanding his girlfriend over the bikini.
The community cast their vote.
Feelings Were Mixed
Members had different feelings about the situation. One user said: “You’re the jerk. She can indeed wear whatever she wants, and it’s inappropriate for you to dictate otherwise or scold her about it.”
Another sided with the boyfriend: “It’s also inappropriate for her to go to her Muslim bf’s family’s house and disrespect their culture, rules, and religion in their own home. Just because she can wear whatever she wants whenever she wants doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to do it wherever or whenever she wants. The least she could have done is understand and respect them by at least wearing an oversized t-shirt.”
These Clashes May Be A Problem
A Muslim community member said, “Here is my advice: don’t date someone and then change them whenever it doesn’t suit you. It’s a typical case of having your cake and eating it too. You discuss these things beforehand, especially if you have a cultural difference. If your morals don’t align, you break up. This is not going to get any better when the relationship continues. How are you going to raise the kids? It’s not disrespecting them in their own home. It’s values are not aligning. Also, don’t have a pool party if you don’t wanna see skin.”
A Pool Party Was An Interesting Choice
This user felt that the woman was within her rights to wear a bikini to a pool party: “No. Sorry, it’s a pool party with women invited. That’s not a Muslim cultural event. You’re the jerk.”
Another user said the man’s requests were too vague: “But he gave her NO guidance on expectations or cultural norms to follow, other than -checks notes- ‘something more on the modest side.’ That leaves A LOT open to interpretation! What if that WAS the most modest suit she owns?? Besides, I’m getting vibes that the OP is quite a hypocrite – I wonder if he is following the no intimacy before marriage rule or only the rules that impact the women negatively, like the ones about modesty.”
She Shouldn’t Have To Conform
A user had this to say: “THEIR religion doesn’t dictate HER actions. Practice whatever religion you want but the second you think your religion gets to dictate others’ actions, you can get stuffed.”
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