A young woman recently turned to an online community to ask if she was mistaken for referring to her best pal’s girlfriend as ‘disgusting’ after she said an ‘inappropriate’ joke.
The Situation
The woman dated her best friend when they were younger, but they called it off.
“Danny and I tried dating years ago, but the spark wasn’t there, and it was uncomfortable after we tried being intimate, and we BOTH agreed we were better as completely platonic friends.”
Housewarming Party
The young woman explained how she and Danny are aged 22 and how his new girlfriend, Lucy, doesn’t fit in with the group.
“I have been friends with Danny since high school, and he recently moved in with Lucy. They had a housewarming party on Friday, and Lucy spent most of the night dancing with her friends who are very like her (excitable, extroverted, etc) and dragging Danny away from his conversations with us (his friends) to dance, even though he’s more like us (introverted, not party animals).”
Danny Went Quiet
The woman explained that she noticed Danny was relatively quiet after a while.
“I asked if he was okay, and he said just tired, but he just kept watching Lucy dancing and then said something in her ear the next time she came over, and she just shook her head and laughed at him.”
She Asked Him if His Girlfriend’s ‘Behavior’ Was Bothering Him
While the woman didn’t outright say she disapproved of Lucy, her choice of words was quite revealing.
“After she went back to her friends, I asked if it was bothering him how she was behaving, and he asked me to explain. I mentioned the attention-seeking dancing and the fact she was wearing something really revealing, even though other guys were at this party. Danny said it didn’t bother him, then sat with a moody face.”
She Pointed Out That He Was Clearly Miserable
The woman went on to explain that she found an opportunity to make it clear to Lucy that her boyfriend wasn’t having a good time.
“At the end of the night, Lucy sat down with us and started chatting non-stop about how amazing the party had been. I pointed out jokingly that Danny obviously wasn’t enjoying himself since he looked miserable, and Danny told her I was worried he was jealous because of her outfit.”
The Joke
Lucy took the woman’s remarks on the chin and didn’t let them bother her.
“Lucy said he was quiet because he loved her outfit so much he couldn’t wait for us all to leave so he could ‘drag’ her to bed. I thought that was completely inappropriate and said to Danny that I’d leave if she were going to be disgusting, and Lucy just laughed at me, so I did leave.”
She Wants an Apology
The woman was so offended by this remark she walked out of the party.
“Today Danny messaged me saying Lucy wants an apology before I’m allowed back at their home, but when I asked if Lucy will apologize for making me uncomfortable, he said no, she doesn’t have anything to be sorry about.”
She Admits She Went Too Far
While the woman admits she perhaps should have held back the ‘disgusting’ mark, she wants to know if she was wrong.
“I was genuinely only worried about my friend, but admit I could have just left without calling her disgusting, so AITA?”
She Shared Her Dilemma
The woman took to an online community forum to seek advice on whether she was wrong. Here’s what the community had to say.
One user shared this: “I’m sorry, but that’s such a cruel way to talk about someone’s gf just for having fun. She was minding her business and having a good time & you had to hate on her for it?”
She Hates Her
The community didn’t have much sympathy for the woman.
Another user said, “Minding her business and having a good time in her own home with her friends. And soooo much internalized misogyny spilling out of OP [original poster]. Ick.”
Incel Vibes
Many community users picked up on Involuntarily Celibate vibes from the sharer.
“I wonder if OP is actually a guy and just wrote it as a girl in the hopes we wouldn’t realize it was incel nonsense?” Another user agreed, “I thought this was 100% an incel guy until I got to the comments.”
Victorian Attitude
Many users called out the woman for her disdain for the woman’s clothing, dancing, and joke.
“She dances with her friends in her own house! clutches pearls.” Another user said, “She wears pretty things she likes around her fun friends! Gasp. And this from another: “She said she wants to have relations with her boyfriend! Faints.
Jealousy
While many users were surprised to learn the sharer was female (given the Incel attitude), those who clocked it immediately felt she harbored a desire for her best friend, who, conveniently, is also her ex.
“She wants the dude, but it ‘didn’t work out’ when they tried dating in the past. Makes a lot more sense when you get to that part.”
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