OP is getting married soon and has invited her sister-in-law (SIL), E, and her daughter as the flower girl. OP has been attempting to improve her relationship with E and even welcomed her to the bachelorette party, presenting her and her daughter with custom-designed gold lockets.
E’s Daughter Won’t Be at the Wedding – Her Brother Made Offensive and Racist Comments
However, E recently informed OP that her daughter would not be at the wedding because OP’s fiancé, E’s brother, called and made offensive comments that were racist, sexist, and homophobic. OP was shocked and asked her fiancé’s mother and wife, but they didn’t recall any such conversation.
They Don’t Want Her Objectified
Eventually, things seemed to be resolved, but later on, E said her daughter would not be in the wedding because they didn’t want her to be objectified and accused OP and her fiancé of being racist, sexist, and homophobic.
She’s Not Sure What to Do
OP was devastated, and her fiancé said some hurtful things. Now, OP is unsure of what to do and is considering going with no contact. The wedding is only a few months away.
The Wedding Isn’t Ruined
Various online users in the thread have discussed the fact that this problem would benefit from being addressed from a different angle.
How Desperately Do You Need a Flower Girl?
“Sounds like your fiancé needs to find out what is wrong with his sister. Plan out possible replacements or a way to make it work if there is a no-show.
OP’s Soon-To-Be Husband Should Deal With It
Firstly, many of the contributors have noted that this is OP’s sister-in-law. Therefore, this is really a person and problem that should be dealt with by OP’s soon-to-be husband. More significantly, he is the one being accused initially of being offensive to his niece. So, he should be the one to deal with his own sister and resolve the matter.
The Wedding Is No Way Ruined
Additionally, the commenter makes a point about the capacity for the wedding to continue. It is reasonably easy to assign the role of bridesmaid and flower girl. Therefore, the wedding is in no way ruined, even if this issue is left unresolved.
Online Users Try to Get to the Heart of the Matter
The thread also included a user that tried to get the heart of the issue with what appears to be an unreasonable family member.
“You move on with your wedding and do not include your crazy SIL in it anymore.”
Why Would You Keep Them in the Wedding?
“I don’t even understand why you kept her and her daughter in the wedding party after the first accusations. That is nothing I would want in my wedding party, no matter how hard I tried to have a good relationship with them.”
Does SIL Have More Issues?
The writer is suggesting that the SIL has more issues than it may first appear. Although the OP obviously took the initial ones seriously, it appears as if she is a little unhinged as they went on.
Will She Cause Disruption on the Day?
It might be reasonable to assume that she is very irrational or perhaps has another sister’s agenda to cause disruption on the day.
There’s a Bigger Issue
Removing OP’s SIL and her daughter might be the most appropriate course of action in the eyes of the thread. Clearly, this has the possibility of devastating the celebration, so removing them before things get worse might be the best solution. Given that OP has tried very hard to get them to like her, there is something more concerning going on, and people can clearly see that.
It Might Be a Serious Problem
Some more sympathetic contributors are noting that there might be something else going on that the rest of the family should help resolve.
Talk to Your MIL and Family
“Sit down and talk with your fiancé, MIL, and family and see if they know what’s going on.”
Assume Your SIL Needs Help
“If nobody has a clue, then maybe assume that something is going on with your SIL and that she needs some help. Let your MIL handle that and stop making this about your wedding. Maybe someone is abusing her or her daughter, maybe she’s lost her job— who knows.”
Or Is the Fiance Abusive?
This is advised to ensure that the SIL gets the support that she needs. Most likely, there is something more serious going on that need to be dealt with. The alternative would be that OP’s fiance is, in fact, very abusive, which would also be a useful revelation.
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