Navigating the delicate dynamics of blended families is usually a tricky challenge. But what happens when a treasured family heirloom – an engagement ring – becomes the subject of a battleground? A woman finds herself at the core of this predicament, steadfastly refusing to surrender her ring to her abusive stepson. Standing her ground, she denies him a piece of her past in retaliation for years of terrible behavior from him. Has she made the right decision, or has she allowed bitterness to cloud her decision?
Children From a Former Marriage.
The woman has been with her partner for two decades.
“I (49F) have been with my husband Bill (53M) for the past 20 years. Bill had two children from his previous marriage, Jim (31M), and Paige (27F). We also have one biological child together, Harry (16M).”
Jim’s and Paige’s Mom Passed Away When They Were 9 and 5.
“I met Bill around 2 years after his former wife had died. When I started building a relationship with the kids, I made it clear that I was not going to replace their mom and would be a trusted figure whom they could approach if they ever needed me.”
She Stepped Up.
“That being said, I still made an effort to treat them like I would my own child. I would take them to school, pick them up, take them to doctor’s appointments, make their lunches, ask my parents to get them presents for Christmas and birthdays, etc.”
It Was Rocky.
Both of the children were hostile towards her at first, which she understood, given the circumstances.
“However, Paige eventually warmed up to me and saw me as a trusted confidant and maternal figure. She didn’t ask me nor did I expect her to want me to adopt her, but she still calls me mom, which I appreciate.”
He Held a Grudge.
While Paige eventually accepted the woman into the family, it was a different story with Jim.
“Jim, on the other hand, continued to be mean and hostile. I have never treated him poorly or antagonized him.”
Vile Remarks.
“He would make misogynistic statements like ‘It’s your job as the woman to clean the dishes’ when I would ask him to clean his plate or call me names when my back was turned. My husband told him many times that the way he was treating me was uncalled for and for us to go to family therapy, but he always refused.”
He Never Let Go of His Feelings.
“He eventually moved out after reaching adulthood. He continues to maintain contact with his father and siblings, but it’s minimal between him and me, and even then he doesn’t treat me well.”
The Engagement Ring.
The woman’s engagement ring was a family heirloom.
“It is passed down from the mother to the oldest child. My husband got the ring from my mom to propose to me. I told all three children about this heirloom a few years ago.”
She Said No.
“Jim currently has a girlfriend whom he intends to propose to. He called me out of the blue one day and asked if he could have the ring. I told him no. When he asked why, I told him it was because of how he has treated me all these years and how he continues to treat me, and I don’t want my family heirloom going to someone who sees me as vermin.”
Insults.
“When he asked whom it would go to, I told him it would go to Paige when she gets engaged. When he heard this, he lost his temper and accused me of playing favorites. I eventually hung up when he wouldn’t stop insulting me and blocked his number. My husband is on my side, but his maternal relatives have all been blowing up my phone telling me what an AITA I am.”
She Shared Her Story.
The woman asked the online community if she was in the wrong for refusing to give her abusive stepson her engagement ring.
Users had something to say.
Not Being Unreasonable.
“You’re not even his biological mom. Why does he need YOUR family heirloom if he hasn’t welcomed you into his family? You are giving it to YOUR oldest child, I’m assuming.
(Meaning the oldest child that has accepted you as a family, not the oldest biological child).
NTA, he’s had plenty of time to grow up and treat you like a real person. If his maternal family is so concerned, you should ask them where his mother’s family ring is.”
Greedy and Tight.
Many users questioned why Jim felt compelled to have the ring when it wasn’t from his biological mother anyway.
“Because it’s an easy way not to have to spend money buying a ring while looking sentimental rather than tight to his new fiancée.”
Cheap.
Users advised the woman that she wasn’t wrong and that she definitely shouldn’t give her ring to this man.
“Jim is cheap. He is not frugal. He is not a saver. He is mean. He is cheap. He will pawn it. Do not give your personal effects to Jim.”
Jim is a Bully.
“He probably considers it his father’s property because his stepmother is wearing it. Think about what he said to her about doing his own dishes.”
“And comes with the sweet, sweet side effect of making his stepmother look wicked if she declines.”
OP is certainly NTA
“How can it even be sentimental if he doesn’t like his stepmom? What an entitled brat.”
“Also to pretend to his fiancée/gf that all is sweetness and light and that he’s not misogynistic.”
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