James Barnes, a motivational speaker, stress management coach, and social media influencer who claimed to have transitioned from being a woman to a man eight years ago, has gone viral after posting an emotional video about the loneliness of being a man.
Less Friends Post Transition
The two-minute video was first published on Instagram by Barnes, who goes by “thetranscoach” on the platform. In the video, Barnes discussed having more friends when identifying as a woman and why the male suicide rate is higher than in women.
A Lonely Gender?
Specifically, Barnes lamented that life as a man is much lonelier than life as a woman. The clip opened with Barnes, sporting a beard and wearing a white baseball cap, declaring, “Nobody told me how lonely being a man is.”
Closer Relationships as a Woman
The user then noted how, as a woman, it was much easier to connect to other people in general. Shedding tears, Barnes said, “I have had closer relationships with random women I met in the bathroom before I transitioned at clubs because of how open women are than I’ve had in my eight years of transitioning because women are just so much more vulnerable and deep than men.”
A Unique Experience
He noted that trans men have the unique experience of this dramatic shift after they’ve transitioned, stating, “But to have known, and I think a lot of trans men feel this, is we knew what that depth felt like before we transitioned. We knew what it felt like to have people want to hug us and to have people want to talk to us and have a community.”
Fearful of Men
Barnes then discussed the difficulties of building friendships as a man, stating, “And then you transition, and you’re just a guy walking down the street that people cross the street so that they’re not near you.”
Higher Suicide Rate for Men
He also admitted they could now see more clearly why the suicide rate for men is “higher,” though Barnes noted that it doesn’t negate the complaints the rest of society has about straight white males.
The Real Plight of Real Women
“And what’s hard is, none of this invalidates how real and raw women and people who are in marginalized groups feel about cis white men; all of that’s valid. But I also now understand why the suicide rate is so much higher in men because this is lonely!” Barnes explained whilst tears fell.
Reach Out to Men
Barnes then urged viewers to reach out to men in their communities and “help them maybe be seen for a moment.”
A Viral Moment
The video was shared by the prominent conservative Twitter account “Libs of TikTok” and acquired more than 15 million views in less than 24 hours.
A Fiery Debate
The post sparked a heated debate on social media, with many people expressing their support for Barnes while others criticized the video.
Open and Honest Praise
Some people praised Barnes for being open and honest about his experiences, with one Twitter user writing, “This is a really powerful video. Thank you for sharing your story and raising awareness of the struggles that trans men face.”
Less Sympathetic
Others, however, were less supportive of Barnes’ message, with some accusing him of perpetuating harmful stereotypes about men. One Twitter user wrote, “This is just ridiculous. Men aren’t all lonely and depressed, and to suggest otherwise is insulting to all the men out there who are happy and fulfilled.”
A Conversation That Must Be Heard
Despite the controversy, Barnes’ video has sparked an important conversation about the challenges that trans men face when transitioning. As Barnes noted in the video, the experience of transitioning can be incredibly isolating, and many trans men struggle to find a sense of community and belonging in their new gender identity.
Marginalized Work
While there is still much work to be done to support trans men and other marginalized communities, Barnes’ video serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of empathy and understanding in creating a more inclusive and compassionate society.
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