Marriage is one of life’s milestones. At times, people tie the knot without being fully prepared for the responsibilities that married life demands.
Educating yourself beforehand will ensure that you will have a lasting marriage. So, before you say “Yes” when your partner is on his knee proposing to you, arm yourself with some wisdom.
To help you, here are 21 things women should know before getting hitched.
Let’s Move In With Each Other
“Live together. Living together is significantly different than spending a significant amount of time together.”
When you are under the same roof, you get to know one another better. Of course, it’s all about personal beliefs and values. Also, sometimes you can live with someone for a while only to find they change once you’re married.
So, What Chores Do You Like?
“Discuss division of household labor”
When it comes to work around the house, it’s not a one-sided affair. Find out what jobs the man in your life would like to do (if any). That will save any potential conflicts later.
What Is Marriage?
“Discuss what marriage means to you.”
Once you have an understanding of how each other defines marriage and its expectations, you can move forward.
Time to Start a Family
“Discuss whether you want to have kids”
You may want kids and your partner may have other ideas.
What Is Your Personal Belief?
“Religious beliefs and how (or if) they will affect your wedding, your family relationships, how you’ll raise children (if any), your eventual funerals, how you spend your weekends, etc.”
Religion does affect one’s viewpoint of the different aspects of life and marriage. If you have opposing belief systems, there can be friction in the relationship.
That’s Not My Name
“Are you going to change your last name? Does anyone feel insulted, and if so, why?”
Names can hold personal identity for some people. Are you okay with changing your last name or not? If not, why not?
Let’s Stay Here
“Will you stay close to your hometown, your partner’s hometown, or move elsewhere?”
Once you get married, you and your spouse need to discuss any plans to relocate.
This Is Where I Stand
“Boundaries and dealbreakers.”
Sure, you are married but that doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. When each side of the marriage knows where the other stands on issues, it eliminates any conflicts.
When I Get Older…
“Retirement planning when and where.”
You may think that retirement is a long way off once you are married. Yet, it is still an important area to discuss. That doesn’t mean things are set in concrete around this area.
How to Raise Our Children
“If you are planning to have kids, how do you plan to raise them? What parenting styles do you see yourself having?”
Kids can be cunning and quickly learn how to play parents off against each other. You and your future husband need to be on the same page when it comes to child-rearing.
Let’s Talk About Careers
“Job/career – what your plans are, if this involves traveling lots or making major sacrifices, where you want to get to in terms of salary.”
How will your job affect the marriage? If you are constantly traveling, it can cause your husband and kids to feel lonely or abandoned. There is always the option of changing careers. What will you do if you or your spouse becomes unemployed?
I Don’t Feel So Good
“Be open with each other about any health struggles you have and how you can help each other overcome them (such as keeping each other accountable for going to the gym or suggesting a healthier alternative to something unhealthy they keep eating).”
How will you cope when there are health issues to deal with in the marriage? Set aside finance for medical costs.
The In-Laws
“Parents/relatives – what your boundaries are in terms of how involved they are with your life and children and what you will tolerate them having a say in, I think it’s important to respectfully establish boundaries so that they don’t become overbearing.”
Grandparents and other relatives have good intentions, yet they can tend to cross the line. If there is no line set, then relationships can become strained.
I Love My Pillow
“Get your own preferred pillows and blankets. Everyone will sleep better and there won’t be fighting over who’s hogging the blanket.”
You may share the bed, but that doesn’t prevent you from customizing the pillows and blankets.
Let’s Go on a Trip
“Travel together. Especially if it’s a passion of yours. You learn what the other person is interested in and how they like to pass a long window of free time.”
You also get to see how your other half deals with frustrations when things go wrong during the trip.
You’re Just Like Your…
“Take a CLOSE, HARD look at his parents because he is going to look and act exactly like them sooner than you want.”
That’s a possibility. Pay attention to how similar your potential husband takes after his mother or father. Then ask if you could spend forever with this person.
We’ve Been Happily Married for 60 Years
“Sit down together with an older couple who have a strong, successful marriage and ask them every question you can think of.”
Granted that this is a subjective experience. You could extend this exercise by talking to a handful of older couples and then identifying similarities in their stories.
I Feel Anxious
“Talk about anything that makes you nervous to tell them.”
This is a good way to test communication lines. If you can’t have open and honest discussions with your spouse, then the marriage could struggle.
I Can’t Stand My Parents
“Don’t let your bad relationship with your parents be the reason why you wanna be married: Just because you don’t like your parents and don’t have a good relationship with them doesn’t mean that the same thing can’t happen with your partner.”
Check your motivation for wanting to get married. If you know it’s based more on revenge or escapism rather than love, you are heading for failure.
Are You Going to Eat That?
“Find out if you are crusts lovers or filling lovers. My husband is a filling lover and I am a crust lover. We both like the opposite but I prefer crust and he prefers filling. Pizzas, pies, brownies, etc. He happily gives me his crust and I happily give him the middle parts. Works for us.”
Being the complement of each other can work to establish a harmonious relationship and marriage.
Let’s Tackle This Together
“Know each other’s love languages and each other’s biggest pet peeves. Approach every argument as you both facing the problem as a team, instead of thinking the problem is with each other.”
Once you start the blame game, things begin to crumble in the relationship.
Have a Great Marriage
Deciding to get married is a game-changer in your life. It’s not something to take lightly. Ask yourself if you are truly ready for this. If the answer is “No”, that’s fine. Give yourself time to make sure that it’s what you want.
When you’re ready, have a good discussion with your fiance about each other’s expectations. Marriage has ups and downs. That’s life. But by educating yourself, you are armed with what is needed to face the storms and have an enduring marriage.
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