Touché your way out of any argument with these bangers.
I Bet That Sounded A Lot Cooler In Your Head
Over 8k Reddit users loved this.
I Bet That Sounded A Lot Cooler In Your Head
“I always say, ‘That’s all you got? Your parents must be proud.’”.
Everybody’s Gotta Be Something
“Any time my mom would get called names or insulted, she’d shrug and just say, ‘everybody’s gotta be something.’”
I’ve Been Called Worse
“I always respond, ‘I’ve been called worse, and continue with my day. If I’m feeling smug, I’ll add, ‘By better people.’”.
Damn People Are Right About You
“That’s the one that makes them think about it later.”
Damn People Are Right About You
A good variation is, “I don’t care what people say, I think you’re great.”
I’d Agree With You, But Then We’d Both Be Wrong.
There’s literally no comeback from this.
You’re Lucky You’re Pretty
My aunt once said to one of my cousins, ‘You’re lucky you’re pretty’, and my cousin didn’t realize it wasn’t a compliment.”
Make Em Say It Again
“It works in groups very well, when someone says something mean, tell them to repeat and you didn’t hear that, it’s hard to repeat stuff without making yourself look like an a**hole.”
Are You Okay?
“Hold a stare and blank face for at least 3 seconds, and then ask in a concerning tone, ‘are you okay?’”
I Hope You Know I’m Just Going to Fantasize about This Later
Another user agreed: “Yes, and ask them to say it again slower and in a huskier voice.”
And?
“Basically takes all the wind out of their sails. They want to get a rise out of you and responding like this doesn’t give them the satisfaction.”
Day Out
“I once had someone say to me, ‘They let you out for the day and this happens!’, and I had to laugh and give them that one.”
The Lebowski Defence
”Well that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
The “Lebowski Defence
Or: “This unchecked aggression will not stand, man.”
Laugh
“If someone’s trying to make you mad, acting like nothing they’ve said matters to you in the least, and their best attempts at making you feel bad are laughable will take the wind out of their sails.”
Sorry About Your Family Situation
“My dad told me to respond to bullying by saying: ‘Sorry about your family situation.’ – and walk away, looking very sympathetic and sad, like you understand and it’s okay. I’ve caused a few breakdowns for sure.”
Walk Away
“Just walk away while they are talking. It’s probably the rudest thing you can do. Plus, you save your time, and if they call you a coward, smile in evil joy as you know they’ll be thinking about this for the rest of the week.”
Can You Explain That To Me?
“’ I don’t get why that’s funny. Can you explain it to me?’. As soon as they start talking: “I was just kidding, I don’t actually care what you think.’”
Bad Form
“‘You shouldn’t wear your insecurities on your sleeve like that. It’s bad form.’”
Staredown
“Just a dead-eye stare that lasts too long. No words. No one likes to eff with crazy.”
Staredown: The Forehead Edition
“Staring at someone’s forehead when you talk to them unnerves people a lot.”
Kill Them With Kindness
“’ Well, I never! Good day to you, sir!’. And then when they say something again, you say: ‘I said, good day!’”
Kill Them With Kindness
Bonus points if you say it in a posh accent.
Oral Hygiene
“Saw this one posted the other day. I’ve used it since, and the results are pretty good: “ok first off, you really need to brush your teeth” There’s not really anything they can say, and if there’s others around it’s even more effective.”
Whatever You Say Haircut
“Gets them thinking they have a bad haircut, and nobody has the nerve to tell them. They’ll think about it long after their insult.”
The Century Approach
“In a 100 short years, you and everyone you know will be dead. In 200 years, even your bones will be dust and nobody will remember you ever existed at all. Now remind me again, why should I give any care about anything you have to say?”
Indifference
“Just say, ‘okay’ and agree with the insults, no emotion or anything in your voice. Because their opinion doesn’t matter, and you’re not trying to impress them or to make them change their mind because of how irrelevant it is. It’s not even worth giving a proper answer.”
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