A man asked an online community if he was wrong for calling out his dad when he made a dig at his skills as a father.
He’s Raising His Kids Differently
The man’s father was a traditionalist and didn’t have a close relationship with his children, so he’s vowing not to be the same kind of dad for his own kids.
“I call my kids Boy (15) and Girl (16). I love The Simpsons, and I always thought it was funny that Homer referred to Bart as Boy, and Bart called him Homer. With my father, everything was yes sir, no sir.”
He Dotes On His Kids
He explained that he does everything his own father didn’t do.
“I also constantly tell my kids that I love them and am proud of them. For some reason, the name thing puts a wild hair up my dad’s butt.”
He Called Out His Son’s Parenting
Recently, the man and his dad came to blows over the former’s parenting tactics.
“He was over last weekend, and he was vociferous about how I’m hurting his grandchildren by not calling them by their names. I told him that my kids were happy and to leave it alone.”
He Proved To Him That His Kids Were Happy And Healthy
His dad wasn’t convinced. “He just wouldn’t drop it. So I called my kids over to where we were talking, and I asked them if they wanted to be called by their names instead of Boy and Girl.”
He Saw An Opportunity To Remind His Father That He Was Far From Perfect
He asked his kids if they’d prefer he drop the “boy/girl” thing. But there was a catch.
“I said in return, they would have to call me Sir, not Daddy or Dad. I said I would accept Father in emotional conversations. But that I would no longer remind them every day that I loved them and was proud of them.”
The Kids Didn’t Want Things To Change
They explained they were perfectly fine with the emotional set-up they had and were aware their dad’s relationship with their grandad was strained.
“My father got all upset and said that’s not what he wanted at all. So I asked him how often he told my sisters and me he loved us or was proud of our accomplishments or just as people.”
He Blamed It On His Generation
His dad defended his behavior.
“He said it was a different time. That his father was worse than him. So I asked him if he thought my kids were happier than myself and my sisters were growing up. I pointed out that my kids are happy. They are reasonably well adjusted.”
His Father Is Upset
He thinks his son insinuated that he was a bad parent. “He wasn’t. He was just emotionally distant. I hated it. My sisters both had some therapy to help them choose better men. They both “fell in love’ with any guy who gave them attention. My daughter knows her worth and won’t settle for anything but the best. My son has no problem hugging me and telling me or his mom about his life.”
He Never Wants His Kids To Feel The Way He Did
So, he treats them much differently.
“They are teens; I know I don’t know everything going on with them. But I’m doing my best to be there and give them the support I never had. My kids know they are loved. I don’t just say it. I try my best to show it.”
A Wedge Between Them
The relationship between father and son is now even more strained.
“My dad thinks I’m being a jerk for pointing out where he didn’t do great as a father when he tried to criticize my parenting.”
He Needed Advice
The man asked the community if he was wrong to call his father out like this.
Here’s what they had to say.
His Father Deserved It, But….
One user assured the man he was generally not the bad guy here. “You’re totally not the jerk for that interaction with your father. Where you might be in dicey territory is the parenting choice of using your children as props and threatening, even in jest, to withhold affection. It sounds like you have a healthy parental bond, and your kids are old enough and know you weren’t serious. But if they had any ambiguity about that, then you’d be an AH for causing it just to illustrate a point to your father.”
Other Users Agreed
They think the man should have left his kids out of it. One said this: “What OP [original poster] was doing came from a place of real upset, and then in front of his children did pretty much call him out for being a distant parent. While there is nothing wrong with having a conversation with parents about how they treated you as children, it doesn’t seem healthy to weaponize that conversation in the way OP did.”
No One Was Hurt
Other users said the man had the right to call out his dad and that the kids were old enough not to have been emotionally bothered by what he did.
“They’re teenagers, so I don’t think there was anything wrong with this. They understood what was happening and why he was saying those things. It wasn’t a threat as much as it was a ‘would you rather…’”
A Mix Of The Two
For the most part, users agreed he went about doing the right thing the wrong way.
“It’s not okay to drag your kids into a conflict you have with their grandfather.”
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