OP (a 41-year-old man) had a birthday, and his wife and three sons made him breakfast and gifted him with restored and framed photos of his late mother and him. He cried, but things soon started to go wrong when his eldest son (7 years old) with ADHD began to act out, kicking his 3-year-old brother, who was being too noisy while listening to an audiobook.
How it Went Down
OP intervened, but his son started swearing and crying loudly. His wife told him to stop, which OP felt was a pattern that signaled that she was on their son’s side, causing him to escalate.
His son then said that his late mother would not be proud of him, and OP lost his temper, telling his son that he was awful and did not want him at his birthday. His wife started sobbing, and she and the kids left to go to her mother’s.
OP believes that more than a little of the responsibility for the situation lies with his wife, who he says gaslights him and yells at him if there’s conflict. He has urged her to get therapy, but she never follows up. OP has apologized and wants to mend the family dynamic, but his wife has accused him of being abusive and dominating everything in the family, so all other problems are secondary.
OP May Need Some Help
There is a lot of serious criticism in the thread suggesting that OP is the wrong one:
“YTA and she probably has to parent you emotionally though you may not see it. If this were a healthy relationship, then yes, she would be undermining you, but because you are displaying a big lack of coping skills and are lashing out verbally at your kid, she’s not undermining she’s protecting her child the only way she can.
You need therapy yourself. And a parenting class.”
This is a reasonably brutal but truthful perspective from one of the commenters. They are explaining to the OP that he, in fact, is likely to be the cause of his issues.
They illustrate that OP may, in fact, be the less effective parent and, in fact, require support from her as much as the children do. This is likely because OP’s wife is more emotionally mature and therefore has to intervene and temper arguments that the OP is in with the children. In these instances, it is as if he is not acting like a parent at all.
His Son Is Copying Him
Several seasoned parents were happy to give some necessary advice too:
“YTA, your son is mimicking you and Mom. When we need to calm a child or adult, we want to be the thermostat, not the thermometer. You set the tone in the room and be patient enough to let the storm settle. I have five kids, 2 have autism all 5 have ADHD. When They are struggling, I soften my voice, stance, and face. He’s mimicking you, so give him positive behavior to mimic.”
This is essentially critical parenting 101. They have to describe this relatively simple concept to OP. They suggest that he acts like a child, not a parent. He is participating in childish behavior and being unnecessarily hurtful.
OP must remember that children need to be taught what is right and wrong. They are always more likely to lash out and be verbally abusive as part of their healthy development.
The Redditor also talked about how he got very offended and upset with his son but needs to understand that the child is doing exactly what OP is doing. The Child is learning OP behavior as he sees it as the correct way to be.
There are a lot of harsh truths in the comment section. It may well be of great benefit to the OP as some objective reflection of his behavior. Hopefully, he learns from the thread.
HIS MOTHER AND AUNT ARE BANNED FROM HIS WEDDING AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO HIS FIANCÉ
HER HONEYMOON IS GOING TO BE RUINED AS HER AGGRESSIVE MOTHER-IN-LAW DEMANDS TO ACCOMPANY THE NEWLYWEDS. WHAT IS GOING ON?
Source: Reddit