OP shares a story about how they baked a non-vegan carrot cake for a dinner party with friends. One of their friends, Marie, was vegan, but OP was unaware of this until they arrived at their other friend’s house. The group ordered vegan pizza and made Piña Coladas. OP drank a lot of the cocktails and went to the bathroom, only to return to find that Marie and everyone else had started eating the cake. Despite feeling guilty about not telling Marie that the cake wasn’t vegan, OP didn’t say anything.
A Piece of Cake
The next day, OP spoke to their friends, Julia and Lauren, about feeling guilty. They tried to reassure OP that Marie was probably okay and that she may have accidentally eaten non-vegan food before. OP’s mother also told them the same thing. However, it has been a month, and OP still feels guilty and is unsure whether they should let it go or if they were in the wrong.
Overall, the story highlights the importance of being aware of guests’ dietary restrictions and communicating any food limitations beforehand. It also raises the question of whether it’s better to be honest about a mistake, even if it may cause discomfort or awkwardness, or to stay quiet and let it go.
It Was Not OP’s Responsibility
Having a restrictive diet it a lot of responsibility and effort. However, when you feel like you need to eat a particular diet, you have to be careful and responsible for what you eat:
“NTA. Marie should have asked you if the cake was vegan before she started eating it.
This may be just me, but I’ve eaten vegan cakes, cookies, etc., and they always taste different than the non-vegan versions. My guess is that Marie knew that it wasn’t vegan.”
This is an excellent point. Although vegans often have terrible reputations regarding their harsh critiques of people and brutal review of non-vegan food, this is not always the case. OP did not go to the party trying to trick anyone and would have been honest is Marie had asked.
It is a vegan’s responsibility to make sure they do not consume animal products, not everyone else. Again, as the writer mentions, there is a notable difference between vegan and non-vegan desserts. Therefore, Marie is likely a relaxed vegan, knew of the risk of it not being vegan, or simply made a mistake. In any case, many agree that OP was not at fault in this situation.
She Might Have Assumed
During the evening, the other drinks and food served were explicitly vegan. Therefore, Marie may have assumed that all of the food was vegan-friendly:
“But the issue is that OP says when Marie is invited, she usually prepares vegan food. And they had vegan pizza. I think she naturally assumed the cake was vegan, which I think makes logical sense.”
Logically, it is not unreasonable to assume that Maire may have assumed that everything was vegan. Again in this instance, it was still Marie’s responsibility to know what she was eating, but she could easily have been complacent due to the rest of the food.
It Was OP’s friend’s Fault.
There is a group of thread participants who have suggested that OP’s friends are really to blame:
“NTA. Your friends WATCHED her eat that cake while you were out of the room. Your friends who KNEW this cake wasn’t vegan.
Your friends are the AHs here.”
Rightfully, they were fully aware of how the cake was made and exactly why it would be a problem. They may even have a better relationship with Marie which is even more reason for them to have stopped her from consuming it.
There is good reason to suggest that OP’s friends deliberately let that happen or were too concerned to say anything. Hopefully, it will not be a repeated incident of neglect.
SHE FORCED HER WIDOWED SISTER TO REMOVE HER WEDDING RING IN PUBLIC. DEVASTATED SHE IS NOW BOYCOTTING HER WEDDING, WHO IS IN THE RIGHT?
Source: Reddit