OP (27F) is facing a dilemma with her upcoming wedding after her brother, and sister-in-law (SIL) asked if their daughter, OP’s niece, could be the flower girl. OP’s sister adores her daughter, who she considers a miracle baby. But OP had already promised the role to her fiancé’s daughter from a previous marriage, who had asked to be the flower girl a year ago when they announced their engagement. While OP loves her niece and understands the importance of family, she cannot give the role to her niece due to the previous promise she made.
OP’s SIL is upset with her decision and believes that she is not honoring her niece’s place in the family. SIL argues that OP should find a way to incorporate her niece into the wedding and accuses OP of not loving her niece. However, OP cannot justify giving the role to her niece, who is only two years old and will not remember the event. Additionally, OP does not want to disappoint her fiancé’s daughter, who has been looking forward to being the flower girl for a year.
Despite her reasons, OP’s family is taking sides, with some suggesting that she should explain the situation to her stepdaughter and give the role to her niece instead. OP is staying firm in her decision and feels that she is being unfairly judged by her family.
While OP’s situation is complicated, it is understandable that she wants to keep her promise to her fiancé’s daughter. At the same time, it is important to acknowledge SIL’s feelings and find a way to honor her niece’s place in the family. Ultimately, a compromise may be the best solution to keep the peace and ensure that everyone feels valued on this special day.
She Should Take a Stand
There are many commenters that are in a fierce debate about the best course of action. However, there is a large number of commenters who are advocating for the stepdaughter to get the position:
“NTA. Let them be pi**ed. If ever there was a time to take a stand for your stepdaughter, it is now without knowing her story or how she came to be part of your life. She’s six years old, and you’ve made a commitment to be in her life. The moment you make it official revolves around her as much as it does you.”
There are several significant issues to consider that the commenter has accurately expressed in their statement. OP is making a life commitment to the child to act as one of her parents so her position will help cement the bond between the pair for the rest of their lives.
Additionally, the 2-year-old will not likely ever remember this ever, whereas the 6-year-old most likely will. In this case, it is only right to prioritize the child that will remember and appreciate their role of the day.
She Is Not Your Responsibility
Various Redditors have suggested that the main reason for the notice to be part of OP’s wedding is because of the significance OP’s sister put on the child:
“She’s their miracle baby, not yours.
the fact that they want you to disappoint your soon-to-be stepdaughter in order to make their daughter the focus of your wedding is absurd.”
This writer makes a very good point. OP’s sister is claiming that she should be part of the wedding. This is a wish of her sister and no one else that effectively only benefits the sister. OP openly admits that she loves her family and her niece, so it is not a matter of leaving her out, just not prioritizing her.
She Will Be OP’s Family
OP’s marriage will mean that she is forever bonded to his daughter. This means that there is some serious issues with not incorporating her into the wedding:
“Choosing your fiancé’s child, who will be your stepDAUGHTER and is old enough actually to walk down the aisle scattering flower petals or whatever, makes perfect sense. Be firm in your NO.”
This commenter has the right idea. This young child is about to be OP’s stepdaughter, which will be a significant role. In more practical terms, she will actually be able to walk freely and perform the role when the two-year-old niece needs support. Therefore, it is clear from the comments that no one is in favor of giving in to the sister’s request.
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Source: Reddit