OP is a 24-year-old woman who got engaged to her partner of five years two months ago. Her father died from lung cancer a year ago, and she was not close to him. Her father was able to watch her siblings get married, but he could not do the same for her. OP does not want anyone to walk her down the aisle as she believes it symbolizes the notion that she needs permission to marry.
She also did not want her father to walk her down the aisle, even if he were still alive. However, her siblings, Emily and Eric, were shocked to hear this and accused her of hating their father. They believe walking his youngest daughter down the aisle would have meant the world to him, especially since he knew he did not have much time.
OP thinks she may be the a**hole for not realizing how much it meant to her father, but it is her wedding, and she does not want to be handed off like a piece of property.
It Is a Balance
Many sympathetic commenters in the thread appreciate the complexity of the situation. These emotional matters can be highly complicated to deal with as the OP is unsure what is right and wrong in this situation:
“NTA, but I think their anger is displaced. You didn’t have that conversation with your dad, so you wouldn’t know how much it meant to him. Your wedding is your day, so go and get married with the traditions you feel comfortable and happy with. If your siblings come, great, if not, that’s okay too.”
The Redditor is correct that the complicated family matter has sparked some anger that is being poorly directed. This is not the most sophisticated solution, but it is a reasonable response to say that the siblings simply have to choose to attend her wedding after hearing the information from OP.
It Is What Each Other Values
Weddings are one of the few ceremonies that are celebrated with many unusual traditions, the origins of which are largely lost. This includes the bride being walked down the aisle by her father:
“Weddings are so full of traditions and ceremonies. If any of those things don’t work for you, you don’t do that particular bit.
To your brother and sister, it seems important because they would never have considered not having dad walk them down the aisle. They are just trying to wrap their heads around you, not want it.”
Some people are more inclusive of respecting and valuing these traditions than others. In this case, the OP is less concerned about them compared to her two siblings.
Understandably, this has caused a greater degree of conflict than OP anticipated. What is reasonable to her is highly disrespectful to her siblings. Unfortunately, now that her father has passed away, little else can be done apart from moving on.
It’s Not As Bad As It Sound
Commenters have suggested that her siblings are taking OP’s stance on her father walking her too personally. It is not that she disliked her father, merely she did not like the tradition:
“NTA. You’re not saying that your father couldn’t be involved in the wedding, just that you didn’t want to be handed off. There could still have been a father-daughter dance and similar stuff.”
As this writer suggests, OP would want her father to attend the wedding but did not mention other points in the marriage that he could have participated in. It is not a personal attack on a man she felt detached from but more of a statement of her rejection of the traditional practices ingrained in wedding ceremonies.
Many have written that the family needs to have a heartfelt discussion to clear the air and better appreciate each other’s position to resolve this dispute fully.
MAN LEFT FUMING AFTER HIS WIFE REFUSES TO ATTEND STEPDAUGHTER’S WEDDING!
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Source: Reddit