OP’s sister-in-law got engaged right after she and her boyfriend announced their engagement. The sister-in-law’s fiancé had planned to propose for months, and the engagement announcement made him act on it.
The sister-in-law and her fiancé had already planned to have their wedding at OP’s in-law’s farm, but when they found out about OP’s engagement, they told OP and her partner that they couldn’t emotionally handle two weddings in one year and would have to wait.
Two months after the engagement, OP’s father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given less than nine months to live. OP’s brother and sister-in-law didn’t apologize for the engagement drama and refused to wait until next year to get married.
Nine months later, OP’s father passed away, and she married without him. She’s now struggling with bitterness and resentment towards her sister-in-law, who had her father walk her up the aisle at her wedding. OP’s husband is supportive and willing to cut ties with his sister and brother-in-law if it makes OP feel better, but OP doesn’t want to cause drama within the family. She wonders if she’s the a**hole for continuing to be bitter toward her sister-in-law.
This Is a Serious Betrayal
The Comment thread is filled with sympathies for the OP’s situation. It is a heartbreaking story for a bride to be forced to celebrate her wedding day without her father. Most are aware that this is a deep and serious wound that may never heal the relationship with her extended family:
“I would go scorched earth with BIL & SIL, but I would sit down with your in-laws and describe how hurt you were, and if they want to see perspective grandchildren in the future, you expect an apology. That might sound ruthless, but necessary in this scenario. Your husband needs to be a part of this conversation, too.”
This is a serious and challenging conversation for the OP, but a very important. She must convey to all of the family how hurt she still feels about the situation, even though the deed has been done.
Significantly, the Redditor suggested that the OP’s husband should be part of the conversation to represent how she feels to him too fully. The thread participants agree that this will most likely not be received well by the in-laws and likely cause permanent riffs in the family. But, the conversation is still necessary.
The OP Should Have Taken Responsibility
There is also a fierce discussion regarding the decision made by OP in the past. If she was concerned about the impending loss of her father, then she should have insisted on getting married while he was alive:
“It’s a strange thing to get so upset about it – you two could have gotten married while your dad was still alive. It was you two who chose to appease his sibling instead of doing what you wanted and making your dad happy. What did you expect to get from sacrificing yourselves to make her happy?”
Some have credited this statement as overly harsh, but many have agreed with the underlying message. The OP chose to put the desires of her sister-in-law above her own and then faced the consequences. She knew her father was sick and only had some time remaining. Therefore, she should have done what she wanted and had the wedding earlier to ensure he would be there.
Although it was considered harsh, it is an important point. Many commenters noted that the difficult circumstance OP is in now would have been lessened had she acted appropriately when her father was alive. They never prevented her from having the wedding she wanted. She chose to do as they requested. No, she is in a position where she missed the opportunity with her father and now resents her in-laws associating all the blame with them.
WEDDING DAY WOES: HUSBAND’S REQUEST TO WALK SISTER DOWN THE AISLE LEADS TO MAJOR BLOWOUT WITH WIFE
MAN LEFT FUMING AFTER HIS WIFE REFUSES TO ATTEND STEPDAUGHTER’S WEDDING!
Source: Reddit