OP, a soon-to-be father, is concerned and confused about whether or not he should change his daughter’s diaper after being repeatedly told by family members that he cannot do so because he is a man and his daughter is a girl. He had never considered this before and is now worried that he may be doing something wrong.
He emphasizes that he would never do anything inappropriate to his daughter or anyone else and is seeking advice on whether or not he should follow his family’s advice. Many people have reassured him that he can and should change his daughter’s diaper regardless of gender, and have also expressed concern that the comments made by his family members may indicate deeper issues within the family regarding gender roles and boundaries.
OP later updates that he is grateful for the supportive comments and will continue to change his daughter’s diaper, but will also be cautious around family members who made the inappropriate comments. He also mentions that there has been a history of assault within the family but does not go into detail about the situation.
Should a man change their daughter’s nappy?
It’s fair to say almost all commenters say yes, he should. Gender does not determine the ability or suitability to perform caretaking duties such as changing a diaper. It is important to prioritize the well-being and hygiene of the child and not let outdated and harmful gender stereotypes dictate parenting roles.
One Redditor comments: “This. I’m a father of multiple girls. I have no idea how many times I changed their diapers. Yes, OP, you should both to help and to have the experience of understanding what they go through, child and other caregivers. And there is nothing even remotely sexual in changing a diaper.”
It is also important to establish clear boundaries and appropriate behavior to prevent any inappropriate actions toward the child. If there are concerns or discomfort about this issue, seeking guidance from a trusted healthcare provider or parenting resources can provide further support and education.
If the situation differed, you wonder if the OP’s family could have such concerns. One Redditor commented:
“Ask your family if they would ever tell a mother she can’t change her newborn son’s diaper. Probably not, right? It’s the exact same situation; you are a parent, and it’s your responsibility to care for your child. The genders of both parties are irrelevant in this situation.”
Is the OP’s family in the wrong?
Considering very few people find changing a diaper to be a remotely sexual act, it’s more concerning that the family members have any concerns.
Many Redditors are concerned that the family would make any sort of comment and are worried that maybe they are the ones with inappropriate thoughts. The OP mentions that there has been some abuse in their family, so it’s a fair concern that the family members may have ill intentions.
One Redditor comments: “Maybe they shouldn’t be around your child since they want to sexualize things. Normal people don’t sexualize children.” And another Redditor agrees, stating, “Nice family you have there sexualizing a kid. You should keep them far away from your child.”
What should the OP do?
He should educate his family members about why he needs to be able to care for his child and to challenge any outdated gender stereotypes. The father can explain that caring for a child’s basic needs, including changing their diaper, is a necessary and important responsibility for all parents, regardless of gender.
“I am a father to two daughters, and I can confirm that your family has some a**-backwards way of thinking.”- one Redditor commented.
It is also important for the father to establish clear boundaries with family members who make inappropriate comments or imply that a father caring for his daughter is inappropriate. The father can calmly and firmly tell them that his parenting decisions are not up for discussion or debate. He should be wary of his family members’ intentions and show some concern that they would sexualize such a basic fatherly task.
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Source: Reddit