The author’s father left the family when the author was 20 years old. Despite promising to keep in touch, the father only spoke to the OP a few times and never reconnected with the OP’s mother.
The author told their two children about their grandfather, and the children have a negative view of him. The father recently contacted the author because he is dying of Stage 4 lung cancer.
The father wants to leave $25,000 each to the author’s children as they are his only grandchildren. The author is conflicted about accepting the money because it may seem like they forgive the father’s actions.
Still, they also do not want to take the choice away from the children. The author’s wife supports their decision.
It’s a challenging and complex situation, as the author faces a range of emotions and conflicting thoughts. The decision to accept or decline the money is personal, and there is no right or wrong answer.
It’s essential to consider its impact on the kids and the author’s relationship with them and make the decision you feel is best for the entire family. For example, suppose the author decides to decline the money. In that case, he could explain his reasoning to the children once they are old enough to understand or only if they are interested in knowing about it.
It depends on the reason for rejecting the money, as the author might be rejecting it out of spite. One commenter states, “You said it yourself. You want to preserve your kids’ negative opinion of him. That’s very selfish of you. You want to ensure he dies without ever having done one single nice thing for your kids.
Out of spite, you’re going to punish your kids because of being mad at your father. And, if your kids ever find out, you’re the one they’ll be mad at. Sounds like a bad idea to me.” He shouldn’t reject it just out of spite.
Perhaps he could take the money without having to forgive and forget all of his father’s wrongdoings. “Also, taking someone’s money doesn’t mean forgiving them. He didn’t ask for forgiveness, and you’re not giving it. He is just a dying man putting his affairs in order, and your kids can benefit.” It is a life-changing sum of money and doesn’t necessarily change the relationship.
Should it be the kid’s decision to accept or reject the money, as it ultimately affects their future, not the author’s? “Yea, YTA. It’s not your decision; it’s your kids’ decision. Consider this a silver lining of some sort.”
Generally, everyone believes he is the a**hole and shouldn’t jeopardize his children’s future to hold a grudge. However, the dying father isn’t asking for anything in return.
He wants to leave the money to make himself feel better. Should he deny this to keep to his principles and old arguments? The Redditor comments don’t believe so, anyway.
Source: Reddit