OP is a 26-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with her fiancé, a 29-year-old man, for four years. Her future mother-in-law (MIL) has never liked her for no apparent reason, and despite multiple attempts to build a relationship with her, nothing has worked. OP and her fiancé are paying for the majority of the wedding themselves, with some financial contributions from OP’s dad and stepmom but no contribution from MIL and FIL. However, MIL has been giving unsolicited opinions about the wedding planning as if she is paying for it.
One day, OP invited MIL to go dress shopping with her, and while shopping, OP found her dream dress, which she describes as being revealing but appropriate. However, MIL did not like the dress and expressed her disapproval, going as far as calling the shop pretending to be OP to switch the dress to a more appropriate one. The sales associate called OP to confirm the change, and OP and her fiancé were furious when they found out. Fiancé confronted MIL, and she eventually confessed. OP then told MIL that she was uninvited from the wedding and hung up on her.
OP wonders if she went too far and if she is the a**hole (AITA) in the situation. She feels terrible that her fiancé won’t get to have his planned dance with his mom.
Was The OP Wrong?
She tried to build a relationship with her future MIL, but despite her efforts, MIL continued to be cold towards her. When MIL started giving unsolicited opinions about the wedding, OP politely shut them down, but MIL persisted.
Inviting MIL to go dress shopping with her was a kind gesture on OP’s part, but MIL’s behavior during the shopping trip was inappropriate. MIL expressed her disapproval of OP’s chosen dress and went so far as to try to switch the dress to a more appropriate one behind OP’s back. This was a breach of trust and showed a lack of respect for OP’s autonomy and decision-making as the bride. Many commenters agree:
“I would have done the same thing. But you and your fiancé need to be in lockstep on this. So if he is/starts hedging- don’t go through with the wedding until you are both on the same page.
You need to get these boundaries in place now because MIL will be a nightmare if you have kids if you don’t.”
OP’s decision to uninvite MIL from the wedding was a consequence of her actions. MIL’s behavior was disrespectful and crossed a line, and it was appropriate for OP to take action to protect herself and her wedding day. It is unfortunate that OP’s fiancé won’t get to have his planned dance with his mom, but that is a consequence of MIL’s actions, not OP’s.
OP’s decision to uninvite MIL from the wedding was a consequence of her actions, and it was appropriate for OP to take action to protect herself and her wedding day.
The MIL Was Definitely Wrong, and She Knows It
The MIL in this situation, did several things wrong. First, she has never liked OP for no apparent reason, which is not a fair or respectful way to treat someone. Second, she has been giving unsolicited opinions about the wedding planning as if she is paying for it, which can be frustrating and disrespectful to the couple who are actually paying for it.
The most significant thing that the MIL did wrong, however, was calling the dress shop pretending to be OP to switch the dress for a more appropriate one. This behavior is manipulative, deceitful, and disrespectful. The MIL had no right to interfere with OP’s choice of wedding dress, and her actions show a complete lack of respect for OP’s autonomy and choices.
It is unfair for the OP to take all the responsibility for dealing with her:
“This, making this decision without unilateral support of the fiancé is a recipe for disaster. This is his mom and his wedding too. He needs to be the one to make the final call with you or you will start this marriage off with a resentment from him.”
It is clear that people feel like the husband should be the one to deal with his own mother. More than that, it is his wedding too and someone is trying to sabbotage it. It is not okay and he needs to grow a spine and sort things out.