OP is a 32-year-old woman who is very close to her 28-year-old sister. When OP learned she was pregnant, she talked about it with her sister. Together they resolved not to tell anyone else and decided to keep the news from their parents until her sister’s wedding. OP’s sister recommended that she could make the announcement about OP’s pregnancy at her own wedding so she could be part of the special announcement. Despite a problematic first trimester, OP kept her commitment to wait before she let any of her family know the thrilling news.
Her Sister Changed Her Mind
When the wedding came, it was clear that OP’s sister had decided not to make the announcement about OP’s big news, most likely because she wanted to keep the attention on her for the entire day.
They Told Her Parents Anyway
OP and her husband were hurt, but they then decided to tell their parents quietly during the wedding instead of a full-blown announcement so they could share the excitement with OP’s parents.
Formally Announced a Week Later on FB
No one else in the family found out until a week later when OP announced it on Facebook. The sister later found out from their dad that OP had, in fact, told them the news on her wedding day.
Her Sister Was Furious
In response, OP’s sister was furious and accused OP of making her wedding about herself.
She Refuses to See Her Nephew
She hasn’t spoken to OP since, and she refuses to see her new nephew. OP is unsure if she did something wrong and asks if she is in the wrong.
The Community Respond
OP’s actions seem reasonable, given the circumstances. She kept her promise to her sister until her sister changed her mind, and then she told their parents privately. It’s understandable that her sister is upset, but it’s also important to acknowledge that OP went through a difficult first trimester and needed support from her family.
It Wasn’t Selfish
There have been several intense discussions via the thread. However, many of them are sticking to one position. They believe that OP’s decision was not selfish and that she did the right thing. She only did so because she knew that if her parents kept it secret, then the wedding would not be ruined.
You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
“NTA. I was all set to say you don’t announce that at a wedding, thinking you grabbed a mic and told the whole wedding. You didn’t. You told your parents. Just them. And it clearly didn’t create a fuss at the wedding because your sister didn’t even know until a week later when your parents told her.”
Her Sister Broke the Agreement
Initially, people assumed that OP made a show of her announcement to the entire wedding party. Quite the opposite. She just wished to share the news with her parents and effectively follow the wishes of her sister to keep it quiet, even though her sister broke their agreement.
The Sister Was Manipulative
There are some commenters very much on the other side of the fence. They suggest that, in fact, OP’s sister has some explaining to do.
“Maybe cynical to think, but I think the same thing. Sister didn’t want attention on OP, so maybe she manipulated her into keeping quiet by promising the announcement and didn’t plan on doing it at all.”
It’s a Clever Use of Manipulation
It is reasonable to say that many believe that the sister’s plan was to avoid any attention on her sister to keep it all for herself. It is a clever use of manipulation to make the OP believe that she can reveal the big news. Then she was sidelined and told that it would not be happening, which is difficult to argue against on someone’s wedding day.
She Stole the Spotlight
Although there is a huge audience that suggests that the sister is in the wrong, there is another perspective:
“But I don’t know why you listened to her in the first place. You should have shared with your family when you want to do so, on your timeline, not hers. It was apparently all about her – she wanted to tell your parents and have that big moment as well and take that from you for her to have the spotlight.”
Announce on Her Own Timeline
There is a cohort of readers who suggest that OP should have taken the opportunity to release her announcement on her timeline, not her sisters. She should have done what was right for her rather than relied on her sister to be in control. If she had done so, she would have had a better experience revealing the news and potentially not gotten into an argument with the sister.
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