OP is a 15-year-old girl who has a friend named Gibby, who is openly gay and often cross-dresses and wears makeup and jewelry. Gibby is also open about his battles with depression and his difficult home life.
Issues Between Friends
Despite OP’s support for the LGBTQ+ community, she has noticed some issues in their friendship over the past few months. Gibby tends to make their sexuality and mental health their defining traits and often engages in trauma dumping, which exhausts OP. She feels that whenever she tries to talk about her own problems, Gibby invalidates them by claiming that their problems are worse.
She also feels that they are privileged and don’t understand what it’s like not to have money. Additionally, they sexualized OP and her female friends, made inappropriate comments, and touched them, making OP uncomfortable. They have also used their homosexuality as an excuse not to be held accountable for their actions and often compared their struggles to those of OP dismissively.
OP finds it frustrating that she is always there for them, but they are never there for her. Whenever she tries to criticize them, they accuse her of being homophobic. Furthermore, Gibby hates anyone at their school who OP talks to and can be embarrassing through his actions and what they say. Finally, they have told OP some weird sexual information about themselves, which she is uncomfortable with.
OP is unsure if she is in the wrong for feeling frustrated with Gibby and not knowing how to confront them about her issues with their friendship.
He is Being Selfish
Given the detail, OP included in their story, most of the thread agrees that Gibby is way out of line as a friend:
“NTA. You’re supposed to be his friend, not his therapist or his punching bag. As a gay and also a depressed person, I make a point to try to make sure I don’t trauma dump on my friends, and I surely don’t do anything to make them feel uncomfortable. His sexuality does not give him a free pass to be a creep or to say obnoxious/rude things. He’s just a bad person, and you deserve a better friend.”
Clearly, this Redditor can relate to the situation and Gibby. However, they have made efforts in their life not to be a burden to their friends. Something they believe Gibby would benefit from.
Moreover, they have rightfully added that uncomfortable conversations and touching are unacceptable to anyone. This should be a cause for concern and an indication that Gibby may be more manipulative and insidious than they first appear.
It Is Not Because He It Gay Or Traumatised
Most of the Redditors are in agreement that OP’s reaction is both justified and has nothing to do with Gibby’s sexuality or mental health:
“NTA sounds like you want to “drop him” not because he’s gay or depressed but because he’s self-centered, rude, and invalidating. I’d say you can tell him you need a break for a while, and if he’s interested in having an open, honest conversation to save the friendship, you’ll have it, but if he’s not, don’t. People who can’t take any kind of constructive criticism need to be the ones to open themselves up to it; unfortunately, “confronting” them barely works.”
Clearly, this Redditor has some firm opinions. They point out that Gibby’s behavior is not a manifestation of their trauma or preferences; it is purely an example of a nasty person acting out.
This REdditor suggests that they should take a moment to assess their friendship. This will allow both parties to take some time to reflect on what has been happening. OP will likely not return to their old ways, and hopefully, Gibby will begin to see reason.
As they suggest, conversations like this can be too difficult for people to bare. In essence, they note that it could end their friendship, but maybe that is for the best.
HIS MOTHER AND AUNT ARE BANNED FROM HIS WEDDING AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO HIS FIANCÉ
Source: Reddit