Winter can suck at times. The cold wind blowing outside and then the heater decides that it’s had enough and packed up on you. But don’t despair. Grab yourself a blanket, a hot cuppa and enjoy these jokes.
1. It’s so cold
I chipped a tooth on my soup!
2. It’s so cold
Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
3. It’s so cold…
I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
4. It’s so cold…
even the ATM shows minus.
5. It’s so cold . . .
the dogs at the greyhound track have to put jumper cables on the rabbits just to get them running!
6. It’s so cold . . .
Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
7. It’s so cold . . .
we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
8. It’s so cold…
the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
9. It’s so cold…
you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
10. It’s so cold . . .
we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!
11. It’s so cold…
hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs!
12. It’s so cold…
we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
13. It’s so cold…
that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
14. It’s so cold . . .
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!
15. It’s so cold . . .
the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!
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16. It’s so cold…
chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
17. It’s so cold…
the optometrists are giving away free ice scrapers with eyeglasses.
18. It’s so cold . . .
we had to chop up the piano for firewood. But we only got two chords.
19. It’s so cold…
the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
20. It’s so cold…
every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
21. It’s so cold . . .
kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pyjamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
22. It’s so cold . . .
we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
23. It’s so cold…
refrigerators are redundant.
24. It’s so cold…
our hats have turned into ice caps.
25. It’s so cold…
that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
26. It’s so cold…
our tea has turned to fros-tea.
27. It’s so cold…
that our cake now has icing.
28. It’s so cold…
you have to break the smoke off your chimney
29. It’s so cold…
the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
30. It’s so cold…
our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.
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31. It’s so cold…
I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket
32. It’s so cold…
people look forward to getting a fever
33. It’s so cold…
Mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears
34. It’s so cold…
We had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post
35. It’s so cold…
pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins
36. It’s so cold…
Ice cubes are coming out of my tap
37. It’s so cold…
Trees are chopping themselves into firewood
38. It’s so cold…
Cops are tasering themselves
39. It’s so cold…
The ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps
40. It’s so cold…
I’m shivering like a mobster in a tax office
41. It’s so cold…
that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
42. It’s so cold…
I got brain freeze!
43. It’s so cold…
I saw Superman taking a taxi.
44. It’s so cold…
I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up
45. It’s so cold…
pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
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46. It’s so cold…
I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
47. It’s so cold…
my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
48. It’s so cold…
my money turned into cold, hard cash.
49. It’s so cold…
my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
50. It’s so cold…
that when I dialled the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
51. It’s so cold…
travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska
52. It’s so cold…
squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence
53. It’s so cold…
dogs are wearing cats.
54. It’s so cold…
Levi Strauss started making electric jeans
55. It’s so cold…
the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle
56. It’s so cold…
teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
57. It’s so cold…
that when we milked the cows we got ice cream
58. It’s so cold…
that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
59. It’s so cold…
my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
60. It’s so cold…
I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap
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61. It’s so cold…
that polar bears are buying coats
62. It’s so cold…
when I needed an anaesthetic…the surgeon told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
63. It’s so cold…
a kid almost suffocated from eating his boogers
64. It’s so cold…
We had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
65. It’s so cold…
the Boy Scouts were offering to de-ice the elderly
66. It’s so cold…
I walk to school with a toaster in my pants
67. It’s so cold…
We had to salt the hallway
68. It’s so cold…
when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
69. It’s so cold…
fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan
70. It’s so cold…
we were afraid to spit because I can ricochet
71. It’s so cold…
The mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl
72. It’s so cold…
the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps
73. It’s so cold…
Mum used a saw to serve us milk.
74. It’s so cold…
I had to jackhammer my jelly
75. It’s so cold…
The aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
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76. It’s so cold…
Our table cutlery now includes a saw
77. It’s so cold…
firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
78. It’s so cold…
everyone has a stiff upper lip
79. It’s so cold…
Santa’s Christmas visit was almost cancelled as his reindeer headed south for somewhere warmer.
80. It’s so cold…
that when our father would sneak to bed the crunching under his feet would wake us up.
81. It’s so cold…
that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
82. It’s so cold…
Washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets
83. It’s so cold…
we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
84. It’s so cold…
the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
85. It’s so cold…
the flames of our fire froze.
86. It’s so cold…
a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town
87. It’s so cold…
that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
88. It’s so cold…
kids starting telling whoppers of lies in the hope their pants would catch on fire
89. It’s so cold…
the wind froze.
90. It’s so cold…
that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pyjamas.
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91. It’s so cold…
walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation
92. It’s so cold…
sheep were demanding their wool back
93. It’s so cold…
Dad started yelling “mush” at the car
94. It’s so cold…
I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go
95. It’s so cold…
I swapped my pillow for a grill
96. It’s so cold…
when I blinked my eyes froze shut
97. It’s so cold…
people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon
98. It’s so cold…
my thermometer said “Ouch”
99. It’s so cold…
I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
100. It’s so cold…
the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
Hope those warmed up the cockles of your heart. Oh, look your cup is empty. Time for another cuppa…hot chocolate? Would you like some marshmallows?
Damn…the kitchen door has frozen shut, again. We need the chainsaw…
Farah Zeb is a mother of five, including two children with special needs. She shares practical parenting tips and resources to help other families navigate daily challenges and create supportive, nurturing environments.
