OP’s relationship with her sister was strained due to their age gap and her sister’s resentment towards her. Her sister would often encourage her children to treat OP badly. During the COVID-19 lockdowns, OP’s sister kicked her niece out of the house due to her mood swings, and OP took her in. However, her niece moved back in with her mother and turned against OP. In 2021, OP’s nephew also reached out for help, and she took him in.
During this time, OP got married, and despite the differences between her sister and her children, she invited them to the wedding. However, they ridiculed her and refused to attend, except for her niece, who promised to be a witness but did not attend on the day. This hurt OP deeply, and she vowed to never speak to them again.
Now, OP’s niece is getting married, and OP’s mother wants her to attend the wedding, but OP refuses. She reminded her mother of what happened at her wedding, but her mother thinks she should be the bigger person and move on. However, OP still feels hurt and betrayed by her family’s behavior and is unwilling to forgive and forget.
There is an Underlying Parental Issue
There are lots of furious spectators to this story. There is a particular cohort who suggests that, ultimately, the blame lies with the OP and her sister’s mother. Her mother’s parental style has knowingly created a good and an evil sister. OP is the good sister who constantly tries to pick up the pieces for being treated so poorly.
“But this sort of passive parenting, where they let the bad child stay bad and make the good child deal with it while using zero parental authority to fix the situation or work on it, is exactly why your sister is like this. So stop giving into mom, this whole situation is 100% her fault.”
This comment accurately summarises the issues that are being discussed. Their Mother has created an environment for the OP’s sister to do whatever she wants by making the OP feel guilty for not letting go of her past harmful deeds.
OP Needs To Be Treated With Respect
The OP has always tried her best to be a part of the family and help whoever was in need. She even extends her compassion to her sister’s children, who have turned against her too. Many commenters are outraged at the lack of respect she has been shown, and they say she needs to do what is suitable for her.
“You have acted with love, compassion, kindness, and honor at every turn. And in every instance, it was thrown back in your face (usually after costing you considerable time, energy, and money.)
Standing up for yourself and your right to basic respect and dignity is not bad.”
Clearly, the OP is a good person but has fallen into a cycle of being poorly treated and continually picking up the pieces and pretending that she is okay with how her family has treated her. It is time for her to show herself the respect she shows others, committing to stepping back from her toxic family members.
Time To Cut Ties
Sometimes it is best to do to others as they have done to you. It would be a great idea to show her family the same respect by confirming attendance and then not showing up to the wedding.
“NTA. This is easy, RSVP yes and no show”
Sometimes the deed that requires the least effort is the most effective. But playing along as normal to her family, they will be even more shocked that she could abandon them as it would be entirely out of character. That would show them that there is a line in the sand and that the OP means it this time.
Source: Reddit