Bananas. So delicious and so funny…but not if you are the one slipping up on one.
1. How do monkeys stay safe when they walk down the stairs?
They hold on to the banana-ister.
2. Why was the banana acting weird?
It was a bit bent.
3. You need to be extra nice to bananas, you know why?
You don’t want to hurt their peelings.
4. Why was the banana so upset?
Someone mistook him for a plantain!
5. Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.
6. Why did the banana have to go to the hair salon?
Because she had split ends.
7. Why do bananas never get lonely?
Because they hang out in bunches.
8. What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
Cut it in half.
9. What’s the best thing to put in a banana cream pie?
10. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn’t peeling well.
11. If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
12. What do you call a charismatic banana?
A banana smoothie!
13. What kind of school do bananas go to?
14. What do you call solid gold bananas?
A bunch of money.
15. A little girl said: “I know how to spell ‘banana’. I just don’t know when to stop.”
16. What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
17. What do you call the period of time between slipping on a banana and landing on your butt?
18. Did you know that banana peel is supposed to be put under the controlled substance act?
It can give you bad trips.
19. What’s yellow and goes 30 miles per hour?
A banana in a washing machine
20. What is the hippest kind of fruit?
21. Why do monkeys like bananas so much?
Because they are very apeeling.
22. How can you easily spot an optimist?
They are the person buying green bananas.
23. What happens when you tell a banana a really funny joke?
They break out into side-splitting laughter!
24. Why did the banana fail his driving test?
He kept peeling out.
25. Why do bananas use sunblock?
Because otherwise, they’d peel.
26. What do you do when you see a blue banana?
Try to cheer it up.
27. Where do bananas go shopping for clothes?
28. Why didn’t the man like invisible bananas?
He couldn’t see the appeal.
29. One man to another: “Excuse me, you have a banana in your ear!”
The other says: “I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear!”
30. Why couldn’t the police catch the banana?
Because he split!
31. Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away
32. What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
Show it out the door
33. What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys?
A bunch of idiots.
34. What is a banana’s favorite day of the week?
35. What did the green banana think about the ripe banana?
He was green with envy.
36. Why don’t bananas snore?
Because they don’t want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
37. Why was the plantain sent to the principal’s office?
It went bananas during class.
38. Why didn’t the banana cross the road?
Because he was yellow.
39. What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz?
An electric banana.
40. What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
A banana dressed up as a cucumber.
41. In what position was the banana during the Tour de France?
He was riding with the peel-oton.
42. How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana?
She left him out in the sun too long.
43. Why was the banana so sick he had to go to the hospital?
He had yellow fever.
44. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?
Neither of them is a police officer.
45. What key do you need to open a banana?
46. What did the banana say to the judge?
“I’m going to win this case on a-peel!”
47. Why did they cancel the ice cream social?
The banana split with the ice cream.
48. Why did the banana get so many Valentine’s Day gifts?
Because it was SO sweet.
49. Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas?
They were empty.
50. What do you call solid gold bananas?
A bunch of money.
51. What do bananas wear on their feet?
A pair of slippers.
52. A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
53. What’s invisible and smells like bananas?
54. What do fruit use to buy things?
55. How do you catch King Kong?
Hang upside down and act like a giant banana.
56. Knock Knock Who’s there!
Banana split. Want some ice cream?
57. What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?
58. What happened to the banana who got a sunburn?
59. What do you say to your bananas before leaving the house?
I’m going bananas!
60. What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
61. Which former politician loves bananas?
62. If a man has six apples in one hand and eight bananas in the other, what has he got?
63. Why did the kid keep falling off his bike?
It had a banana seat.
64. What’s yellow and always points north?
A magnetic banana.
65. What do you call a banana eating a banana?
66. What’s worse than a monkey eating bananas?
A monkey going bananas.
67.Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Weird. I can’t remember ever eating a monkey.
68. How does a banana answer the phone?
69. They’re not going to grow bananas any longer. Apparently, they’re long enough already.
70. What did the monkey say to the other banana that it just met?
Yellow, nice to eat you.
71. When will the trail mix have enough money to buy a map?
After the banana chips in.
72. What’s yellow and used to write letters?
A ball-point banana.
73. How is a banana peel on the floor like music?
If you don’t C sharp you’ll B flat.
74. What fruit teases you a lot?
75. Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
76. Knock, knock.
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA!
77. Want to hear a potassium joke?
78. Where do bananas like to go swimming?
In a cereal bowl.
79. Student 1: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.
Student 2: Did she lose weight?
Student 1: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
80. Why couldn’t the banana yell high?
Because it could only yel-low.
81. What did the apple say to the green banana?
You don’t look like you’re feeling so good.
82. How do you spell banana split?
83. What is the favorite snack of the Super Mario Brothers?
84. What is the chemical formula for a banana?
85. Knock, knock!
Banana messages for me?
86. What is a sheep’s favorite fruit?
87. What is a banana’s favorite song?
88. What do gymnasts, acrobats, and bananas all have in common?
They can all do splits.
89. What did the orangutan say to the banana?
Time to split!
90. What is an ape’s favorite gymnastics trick?
A banana split!
91. What’s brown and yellow, brown and yellow, brown and yellow?
A monkey rolling down a hill with a banana!
92. If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?
Twenty after one!
93. My teacher accused me of “acting the monkey” at school.
I almost choked on my banana.
94. What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a banana?
95. When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing?
What Else But Peelings?
96. Why didn’t the banana cross the road?
Because bananas can’t walk!
97. Why the boy throw a banana out the window?
He wanted to see a fruit fly!
98. Why did the gorilla eat the banana?
Because it’s a gorilla!
99. What made the banana such a smoothie?
100. What was the cool banana’s favorite song?
Did you get your fill with that bunch? Feel free to share them with your little monkeys.