Ready to get all giddy with laughter? These 100 horse jokes will surely have you laughing until you are hoarse.
Let’s saddle up and take a ride into a world of comedy.
1. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
2. Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him?
The doctor described his condition as stable.
3.What did the horse say when it fell?
“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
4. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks
5. Where do horses go when they’re sick?
6. What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A tale of WHOA!
7. Which side of a horse has more hair?
8. Why did the pony have to gargle?
Because it was a little horse!
9. What do you call a racehorse that is guaranteed to win?
10. What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class?
Why the long face?
11. What do you call a horse that lives next door?
12. When does a horse talk?
Whinney wants to!
13. What’s the best way to lead a horse to water?
With lots of apples and carrots!
14. What disease was the horse scared of getting?
15. How long should a horse’s legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground
16. Why did the man stand behind the horse?
He was hoping to get a kick out of it
17. I recently bought a horse and I decided to name him Mayo.
18. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone owns cars and only the rich own horses.
The stables have turned.
19. I have a few female horses, but one of them always starts freaking out while riding at night
She’s my worst night mare
20. What kind of horse is the fastest?
A pregnant one, because it has 2 horsepower.
21. Where do you find a horse with no legs?
Where you left him.
22. How do you get up on a horse made of pancakes?
Using the syrups.
23. Did you hear about the horse who had to go to court?
At first, he was gonna lie, but then the judge reminded him he was under oats.
24. What do horses say when their food gets stolen?
Hay come back!
25. Why are horses always so negative?
Because they are neigh sayers.
26. How can you tell the difference between a horse and a pig?
The horse is the one that doesn’t look like a pig.
27. Did you know Juan the horse has a brother named Jamal?
Nothing really special, they’re identical twins.
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Jamal
28. What do you call a horse with two legs?
A horse without two legs.
29. Why did the dyslexic man call his horse “ho”
He was trying to keep her mane short
30. What do you call a collapsed horse enclosure
31. What’s a horse’s favorite show?
Mr. Rodgers’ Nayyy-bourhood
32. I keep having this recurring dream when I’m riding a horse…
It’s been six nights on the trot.
33. Why don’t horses use the internet?
They can’t find stable connections.
34. What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
35. What’s a horse’s favourite sport?
36. What do you call a horse that plays the violin?
Fiddler on the hoof!
37. What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?
38. What kind of bread do horses like to eat?
39. What did the mother horse say to her foal?
It’s pasture bedtime!
40. Why do most horses look so fit?
Because they’re on a stable diet.
41. How much money does a bronco have?
42. Why did the horses always have to go to the toilet?
It had the trots.
43. What did the horse give his bride?
A one carrot ring.
44. What’s a female horse’s favourite hairstyle?
The pony tail.
45. Why did the slow horse win the race?
It was a one-horse competition.
46. Why did the horse always have bad luck?
His shoes were on backwards.
47. I asked my horse if he wanted to go to the cinema. He said “Neigh”.
48. What is a horse’s favourite band?
Hall and Oats.
49. Knock knock
50 What kind of horse travels all around the world?
A globe trotter.
51. What kind of food do racehorses like to eat?
52. What street do horses like to live on?
53. Why couldn’t the horse dance?
Because he had two left feet.
54. Knock Knock
Quiet horse who?
(In a whisper) Neigh…
55. What kind of horse is good at swimming?
56. How do horses say “Hello”?
57. What do you call someone who is smarter than a horse?
A stable genius.
58. Why didn’t Dracula bet on the horse race?
The stakes were too high
59. When do vampires watch horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
60. What’s the quickest way to mail a little horse?
Use the Pony Express.
61. What did one horse say to the other horse?
Your pace is familiar but I can’t remember your mane.
62. What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
63. When does the person living next to you get annoying?
When he is NEIGH-BORED.
64. What do you call a boy named Ryder who likes to ride a horse’s back?
Horse Back Ryder
65. What is a horse’s favorite American state?
66. What do you call a well-balanced horse?
67. What do you call a noisy horse?
A herd animal.
68. What’s invisible and smells like hay?
69. What do you call a baby donkey?
70. What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?
Clear the Stable.
71. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
Because it had bad stable manners!
72. How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm?
Pay him under the stable.
73. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey?
In case he takes offence.
74. What do horses see before thunder?
75. What do young horses wrap their food in?
76. How do you save a horse possessed by an evil spirit?
Perform an ex-horse-ism.
77. Why was the racehorse so dirty?
It was a mudder.
78. Where do newly married horses sleep?
In the bridle suite.
79. What’s the difference between a horse and a duck?
One goes quick and the other goes quack.
80. Why didn’t the stallion show up for his wedding?
He got colt feet.
81. Who is in charge of horse town?
The Mare. (ie: mayor)
82. Who rode a horse up the hill to fetch a pail of water?
Jockey and Jill.
83. Which kind of horse likes to eat baked beans?
84. How are clouds like horse jockeys?
They both hold the reins.
85. What did the boy say to the teacher during horse riding class?
Can I ask equitation?
86. Which NFL Super Bowl matchup caused the most arguments on the ranch?
Cowboys vs. Broncos.
87. Where do Knights park their horses?
In a Lancelot
88. What looks like half a horse?
The other half!
89. Who were the two most famous horse thieves?
Bonnie and Clydesdale.
90. What did the lunch lady say to the horses?
Stop horsing around.
91. Why did the cowboy feed his horse so much hay?
He thought it would make it softer to ride on.
92. What did the waiter say to the horse?
Can I get you a stable?
93. What show was the horse actor appearing in?
A little horse play.
94. What did the horse grow in her garden?
95. What do they serve before dinner in the stable?
96. What award did they give the horse who could drink the most water?
They game him a nice troughy.
97. What’s as big as a horse, but weighs nothing?
The horse’s shadow.
98. Why did the horse miss the jousting event?
He had the knight off.
99. How do you treat a horse who has a cold?
With cough stirrup.
100. What do you call an equine carpenter?
We have reached the end of the race with those. Hope you didn’t gallop through them. Until next time, we’re heading off into the sunset to round up more jokes.