Squirrels are some of our very best rodent friends that live all around the world, so let’s celebrate with some very nutty jokes.
1. Why do squirrels collect acorns?
They’re completely nuts.
2. Which squirrels are the best heroes?
3. How are squirrels so good at saving money?
They squirrel it away.
4. What do squirrels eat for breakfast?
5. Where do squirrels go to learn?
6. What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a fish?
7. Why do squirrels have bank accounts?
To save for a rainy drey.
8. Why don’t squirrels live in Antarctica?
9. What kind of stories do squirrels like?
10. What do squirrels watch on TV?
11. What did the squirrel say when it lost its food?
12. Why did the squirrel rub a twig on its mouth?
It was using a lip-stick.
13. Why did the squirrel pay a dentist one dollar?
To get buck teeth.
14. Why was the man measuring squirrels?
He was critter-sizing.
15. Why are squirrels afraid of dogs and trees?
They both bark.
16. Why didn’t the squirrel hibernate?
It was too hiber-late.
17. What is a squirrels’ favourite film?
The Nutty Professor.
18. Why don’t people like it when squirrels chew things?
19. What do you call a lazy squirrel?
20. What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kite?
A flying squirrel.
21. Why did the squirrel stay off school?
It had squirrel pox.
22. What do you call squirrels that hibernate together?
23. What is a squirrels’ favourite musical?
Into the Woods.
24. Why did the squirrel have leaves on its bum?
It wanted a bushy tail.
25. What do you call a squirrel with four sides?
26. What Hogwarts professor has fur and stutters?
27. Why didn’t the squirrel go home with the lady squirrel?
He had never seen her-bi-vore.
28. Why couldn’t the police squirrel get the acorn to confess to its crimes?
It was a tough nut to crack.
29. Why are squirrels such good sailors?
Because, they are row-dents.
30. Why was the squirrel’s fur messy?
It was having a tuft hair day.
31. Why was the squirrel red?
It was sun-burnt.
32. Which animal gave the squirrel a perm?
33. What do you call a wriggly squirrel?
34. What do squirrels see on safari?
35. Why don’t squirrels like rabbits?
They’re always rabbiting on.
36. What type of squirrel is the best?
A grey-t squirrel.
37. Why did the squirrel dress up like Bruce Wayne?
It was batty.
38. Why didn’t the squirrel like acorn jokes?
It found them too corny.
39. What did the squirrel get from the dentist?
40. How did the squirrel carpenter make wheat into a table?
It sanded against the grain.
41. Why did the squirrel put chocolate on an acorn?
It wanted a coco-nut.
42. Why did the squirrel hammer acorns to the wall?
They were wall-nuts.
43. Why was the squirrel covered in sand and leaves?
It lived in a beach tree.
44. How did the squirrel army escape the cat army?
They wore cat-ouflage.
45. Why did the squirrel hate beagles?
They were always hounding him.
46. Where to squirrels go on holiday?
In Cyprus trees.
47. Where do old squirrels live?
In the Elder-tree retirement home.
48. What is a squirrels’ favourite game?
Hide and squeak.
49. How do you turn a red squirrel into a grey squirrel?
You wait for it to get old.
50. Why do squirrels see the future when it’s dark?
They have great night vision.
51. Why didn’t the squirrel like the badger?
It was always badgering him.
52. What type of squirrels help knights?
53. What did the metal squirrel eat?
Nuts and bolts.
54. What happened to the squirrel that ran into a group of cats?
They gave it a clout.
55. Why did the squirrel go on a diet of twigs?
It wanted to be stick-thin.
56. What has tentacles and buck teeth?
57. What did one squirrel say to the other when he was caught hiding his acorns?
“You saw nutting!”
58. What is a squirrels’ favourite sandwich filling?
59. What is a squirrels’ favourite cereal?
60. What did the squirrel say when it had to file its teeth?
This is gnaw-ful.
61. Why did the squirrel hibernate?
It was too cool to stay awake.
62. What do you call a squirrel that doesn’t have any sulphur?
63. What board game do squirrels play?
64. What was left of the squirrel’s home after it set on fire?
An ash tree.
65. Why did the baby squirrel think it was a cat?
It was called Kitt.
66. Why was the squirrel in trouble for chewing the furniture?
It was being gnaw-ty.
67. What nutty chocolate bar makes squirrels laugh?
68. What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a window cleaning genie?
69. What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a pig?
A squealing rodent.
70. What squirrel raps while it builds nests?
71. What nuts make squirrels sneeze?
72. Why did the squirrel chase dogs?
It was barking mad.
73. Why was the squirrel searching the bottom of the tree?
It was rooting around for food.
74. Why did the squirrel cry when it tapped a tree for syrup?
It was feeling sappy.
75. How did the squirrel quit its job at the sap factory?
It handed in its resin-nation.
76. Why did the squirrel make a top out of acorns?
It wanted chest-nuts.
77. Why did the squirrel avoid flowers?
It found them seedy.
78. Why was the squirrel ill after eating berries?
They were poison berries.
79. Why couldn’t the dog find the squirrel?
It was barking up the wrong tree.
80. How did the squirrel plant berries?
It buried them.
81. What insect do squirrels tell their babies stories about?
82. What do the villains eat in squirrel fairy tales?
83. Who did the squirrels see in concert?
Alvin and the Chipmunks.
84. What plants do squirrels use as bathrooms?
85. Why was the squirrel covered in dandelions?
It was its weeding day.
86. What did the old tree say to the young squirrel?
“You’ll understand when you’re Alder.”
87. How did the squirrel greet its neighbours?
“Mice to meet you.”
88. Why are squirrels’ good scientists?
They live and work in the field.
89. Why was the squirrel planting hay?
It wanted straw-berries.
90. How did the blueberry make the squirrel sad?
It left the squirrel with the blues.
91. What fruit did the squirrel rescue?
The damsen in distress.
92. How many fruits did the squirrel bring home?
Only a pair.
93. Why couldn’t the squirrel finish its berry painting?
It had run out of the colour black-berry.
94. How does a squirrel comb its fur?
It runs through the under-brush.
95. What animal do farmer squirrels keep in hedge-pens?
96. Why do squirrels love pheasants?
They’re always pleasant.
97. What phone do squirrels use?
98. Why do squirrels avoid blackcurrants?
They can’t swim.
99. Why was the squirrel coughing?
It had eaten an arti-choke.
100. Why did the squirrel blush after making vegetable soup?
It needed a leek.
Conclusion: Alas, now we must go to hibernate while we dream up more jokes that will get you through the next fun times.