Traffic jams. An annoying part of daily commute, However, you don’t have to get worked up nor frustrated when that guy cuts in front of you like a maniac.
Let these car jokes bring back some joy and tranquility to the situation as you sit stuck in traffic wishing everything would hurry up.
1. A guy walks into a bar and demands to know “Who’s the strongest in here?”
The toughest guy looks at him and says “I am the strongest around here!”
The other guy politely asks “Can you help me push my car to the gas station?”
2. What kind of motor vehicle is in the Bible?
Honda … because the apostles were all in one accord.
3. A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
4. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Well, God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in a fury.
5. What do you call a Mexican with no car?
6. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
7. What’s the difference between a cow and a car?
I don’t have a car
8. I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall.
I heard a bang.
“3:45 PM”, he said.
9. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone owns cars and only the rich own horses.
The stables have turned.
10. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
11. Someone keyed the music teacher’s car
Fortunately, the damage seems to B Minor.
12. A cop pulls over a miner and asks “Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?”
13. I just made my last car payment
I still owe a lot but I’m just not paying any more
14. New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell. They come with an Elon Musk
15. My boss showed up this morning in a new Porsche. I said, “what an amazing car”…
He replied, “Yeah, if you work really hard, put lots of hours in and strive for excellence at all times, I should be able to get another one next year”.
16. Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said “I miss New York”
So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.
17. What is the most edible part of a car?
18. What kind of car does an electrician drive?
19. What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?
Robin, get in the car!
20. What do clowns fill their cars with?
21. What do cars eat?
22. A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?”
“I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.
“Who?” the son asks.
“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”
23. I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn’t include a driver.
I can’t believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.
24. What kind of car does Yoda drive?
25. I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.
It was an auto body experience.
26. My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
27. What do you call a shrimp that gets run over by a car?
28. What do you call it when only one finger steers your car?
A thumb drive.
29. Where do pickles go to buy a car?
30. I’ve been standing in this place where they keep throwing car parts at me, but I haven’t been able to catch a brake.
31. I went to the petrol station to pump up my car tyre and the guy charged me 50p. I said, “it was only 20p last week”. He said “that’s the price of inflation”
32. What did the road crew have to do after the cheese crashed its car?
Clean up de-brie.
33. People tried telling me I couldn’t pull a trailer with my car, but it went off without a hitch.
34. What is the sushi chef’s dream car?
35. What is a musicians favourite car?
Honda A Chord
36. What do you call a Ford Fiesta that runs out of gas?
37. What sort of cars do cooks drive?
Culinary expert rolets.
38. Who can drive every one of their clients away and still profit?
39. What sort of vehicle does a snake drive?
40. How is a golf ball different than a Chevy?
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
41. What do you get when dinosaurs crash their autos?
42. What sort of vehicle does a dog loathe?
43. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my safety belt.
Then it clicked.
44. What kind of petrol does Vin use?
45. Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
The Old Volks home.
46. When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
47. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
48. What snakes are found on cars?
49. A man drove his expensive car into a tree…
And found out how the Mercedes bends
50. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn’t going anywhere.
It feels like he’s always trying to drive me away.
51. When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed.
The accident was a Fender bender.
52. I ran my Subi into a lake.
Now it’s a Scubaru.
53. Why can’t motorcycles hold themselves up?
Because they are two-tired.
54. What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
55. What part of the car is the laziest?
The wheels, because they are always tired.
56. What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Want to go for a spin.
57. Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?
He wanted to bust a move.
58. What do you call a used car salesman?
59. Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.
60. What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?
61. What do you get when you cross a Mustang and an elephant?
A convertible with a big trunk.
62. Where do dogs park their cars?
In the barking lot.
63. What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?
64. What’s a car’s favourite meal?
65. What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
66. A man who runs behind a car will get exhausted.
But man who runs in front of a car will get tired.
67. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
68. A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, “Do you think we could use a sponge instead?”
69. My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the nappy bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
70. I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
71. Recently, I’ve tried to make a car without wheels.
I’ve been working on it tirelessly.
72. I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
73. Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!
74. Last Father’s Day my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.
75. A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway…Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
76. What is a lacrosse player’s favourite type of car?
77. What kind of car does Jesus drive?
78. The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!
79. What kind of car would a mouse or rat drive?
80. What does the mechanic say after he’s fixed your car’s horn?
81. My dad always says not to crank the car radio too high or I’ll go deaf. Imagine if that happened.
I would never hear the end of it.
82. What do you call a broken car?
Nothing! You call a mechanic.
83. As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
“This really takes me back”.
84. What do pasta and cars have in common?
I don’t like either al dente
85. I heard Germany is going to make robot-driven cars illegal on their highways
It’s going to be called auto-ban
86. What kind of cars do ghosts drive?
87. The fireman looked at my burning car and said, “Any idea how it started?”
I said, “I just had to use my keys.”
88. A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
89. What do you call a French sports car?
90. A guy shocked himself trying to steal an electric car.
He was charged with battery.
91. What did the father gasoline say to his wife gasoline about their son that was setting cars ablaze?
92. Customer: “Cargo space?”
Salesman: “Car no do that. Car go road.”
93. What’s the best vegetable to have in the car?
94. It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.
The passengers probably wished that I’d waited until I wasn’t driving to do that.
95. This morning I was on the way to work, but I wasn’t paying attention and ended up rear-ending another car. The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf. He looked at me and said, “I’m not happy.”
I replied, “Well, which one are you then?”
96. What car is a rancher most likely to own?
97. A duck was standing by a busy roadside, waiting for a break in traffic as cars went roaring by. A chicken walks up and says, “Don’t do it, mate. You’ll never hear the end of it.”
98. Did you hear about the Irish car prices?
99. What would a duck do if it was trapped in a car?
It would quack the window
100. How did the flea start its car?
Okay, it’s time to take the off-ramp as our journey is coming to an end.
We hope the jokes have refueled your sense of humor. Obviously, you’ll get weird looks as you sit behind the wheel chuckling to yourself. So, what? Just toot and wave to everyone.