OP’s son married a girl he met in college at the age of 19, against OP’s advice to wait. The couple dropped out of college and moved back to their hometown. They had two children, a girl, and a boy. OP’s daughter-in-law (DIL) seemed unhappy after the first child was born, and OP suspected postpartum depression. After the second child was born, the couple separated, and OP’s DIL confided in OP and his wife about the problems in their marriage. OP’s son refused to take responsibility for the problems and blamed his wife. They went to counseling, but their marriage did not improve, and OP’s DIL filed for divorce. Within a month, OP’s son announced his engagement to a new girlfriend on Facebook. OP’s son had forced his wife to become a stay-at-home mom, and she had no family or friends in town aside from OP and his wife. Unbeknownst to OP’s son, OP and his wife helped his ex financially and got her an apartment.
When OP’s son invited him to the wedding, OP declined and did not give his blessing to the marriage. OP’s wife attended the wedding and picked up their grandchildren. OP and his daughter spent the evening with his ex, as they didn’t want her to be alone on the night of the wedding. OP’s son called him the next day to criticize him for not attending the wedding and accused him of betraying him by spending time with his ex. OP’s son also said that OP and his daughter would have to earn a relationship with him on his terms only.
He Is Being Reasonable
There is tremendous support in the comment section for OP and his decisions. They are generally aware that parents can be disappointed in their child and their actions. Particularly once they have become grown adults:
“NTA- it sounds like you’re a reasonable parent who acknowledges when your kid is being an idiot. I don’t see anything wrong with you choosing to support the mother of your grandchildren who he seems to have left in a bad spot.”
This is an excellent example of why the OP is doing the right thing. His son is being reckless with his new family and OP’s grandchildren. Therefore it is perfectly reasonable that he would want to support his young grandchildren even if that means supporting his son’s ex-wife.
The Son is Out Of Line
There are few who are in support of the OP’s son’s actions. Particularly when it comes to the timings of his new relationship and marriage:
“NTA. He wanted a trophy wife, immediately got into a relationship with another woman when he got divorced and tried to manipulate both you and her. Unlike some comments that will undoubtedly come, the relationship you have with your ex-DIL is yours, not dependent on him. Good for you for helping her out through this difficult time and for standing against the a** h*** son”
This Redditor makes an excellent summary of a lot of opinions in the thread. They have several concerns, first about the son’s desire to manipulate his father and his ex-wife. This is a telltale sign of someone who is deliberately doing wrong. As the writer mentions, it appears as if he wants a trophy wife. Someone who will go along with what he says and do as they are told.
Moreover, the commenter is correct in noting that his relationship with his daughter-in-law is not dependent on his relationship with his son. Therefore, it is unreasonable for the OP to back down and stop supporting his grandchildren and their mother.
As mentioned, this is an uncommon but critical stance that is respected by a number of commenters. OP defies social expectations by choosing his grandchildren and their mother over their son. It is primarily considered the right thing to do, as nothing positive will be gained by supporting a selfish and misguided son.
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Source: Reddit