Ah…toilet humour. Something that never bogs us down when we are seeking inspiration for a joke.
When you feel like you have run out of jokes and are struggling to push out another one, use these to add some fun into your routine.
We have scraped through the sewers to dredge these up…
1. What’s the difference between toilet paper and toast?
Toast is brown on both sides.
2. Why did the toilet paper act so cool?
Because it was on a roll.
3. I ran out of toilet paper last week and can’t afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realization has kicked in…The Times are really Rough!!!
4. I ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
5. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
He got stuck in a crack.
6. Where did the Terminator find extra toilet paper?
Aisle B, back.
7. Why didn’t the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out
8. What’s the difference between toilet paper and curtains?
If you can’t tell the difference, you will never be invited to my house.
9. What happens when the world runs out of toilet paper.
10. Why are Australians stocking up on toilet paper in response to Coronavirus?
They think it will have a major impact down under.
11. What’s the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?
You don’t find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!
12. I brought my lady friend some toilet paper yesterday. It’s clear she finally found her Prince Charmin.
13. What do you say to an Aussie that ran out of toilet paper?
14. My school replaced our regular toilet paper with single-ply. Everybody hates it…It’s really tearable.
15. I can’t believe I pay so much money per year for toilet paper. It’s a total rip-off.
16. After I ran out of toilet paper, a friend suggested using pages from an old book. That worked OK I guess, but now I’m looking for suggestions to clean an eBook reader
17. Due to the latest sellouts of toilet paper…Their company’s profit is on a roll
18. Now that we’ve run out of toilet paper I wished I had bought a toilet brush with softer bristles.
19. Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it’s finger licken’ good!
20. Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
21. I ain’t shaking any ones hand, not because of the Coronavirus… I ain’t shaking any ones hand because y’all out of toilet paper!
22. I only use single-ply toilet paper. It has a more personal touch.
23. I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper because a huge rock is headed towards earth and paper beats rock
24. It’s embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down, lucky enough the supermarket is just around the corner.
25. What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Uranus looking for Kling-Ons!
26. How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Poo sticks everywhere
27. What did the poo say to the fart?
You blow me away.
28. Toothbrush says I have the worst job ever. Toilet paper says you think your job crappy.
29. When it comes to recycling toilet paper you really need to process the crap out of it.
30. Yo mama is so skinny she uses floss as toilet paper
31. Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.
32. Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To wipe the chicken’s bum!
33. DEJA – POO: The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
34. There was an explosion at the Charmin toilet paper plant in Baltimore, Maryland. I’m told no one was killed but many suffered from soft tissue damage.
35. What was the pretty toilet paper looking for?
Her Prince Charmin.
36. Where does toilet paper come from?
37. I called the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product. They wouldn’t re-ply.
38. I got in touch with my inner self today, it’s the last time I use 1 ply toilet roll
39. What’s a mathematician’s favorite type of toilet paper?
40. What type of toilet paper do porcupines love to use?
41. Today my son asked me if he could eat toilet paper. When I asked why, he said that this way it wipes itself on the way out.
42. Who is toilet paper’s favorite character?
43. I’ve started to use a bidet instead of toilet paper. It’s right up my alley.
44. Ultra-strong toilet paper should be called Heavy Doody.
45. Why did the toilet paper’s mother take him to the doctor?
Because he was looking flushed.
46. Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up?
Because that’s the way he rolls
47. Why are toilet papers bad at texting?
They never re-ply on time.
48. Daffy Duck went to Porky Pig’s house. When he arrived he used the bathroom, but there wasn’t any toilet paper. Daffy yelled for Porky and Porky replied:
“Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.”
49. My neighbour didn’t like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
50. I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper And now I’m paying for it.
51. I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper
It was a pain in the butt
52. Someone has stolen all the toilet paper from the police station.
Police say at the moment they have nothing to go on.
53. A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers….” Why is there poop on your fingers?”
“It’s hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel”
54. Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
55. With all the shortages, we’ve been forced to buy the John Wayne toilet paper.
It’s rough, tough, and don’t take crap off anyone
56. Man: Do we need more toilet paper?
Woman: I don’t know, but if you buy some it wouldn’t go to waste.
Man: Well, technically, it would.
57. Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?
Because he’s a party pooper!
58. Two rolls of toilet paper walked into a bar.… one ran out.
59. Toilet paper humour is not my favourite kind of joke …But it’s a solid number two.
60. What’s the maximum amount of toilet paper you can have?
A butt load.
61. What do toilet paper and numbers have in common?
Both can be multi-plyed.
62. Why does toilet paper make a good detective?
Because it always get to the bottom of things.
63. How does toilet paper deal in difficult situations?
They just roll with it.
64. Why was the toilet paper angry?
Because it asked for number one but number two came along.
65. Why was the toilet paper feeling very calm and relaxed?
Because it was in the restroom.
66. Why do kids take so much time in the restroom?
Because they play with the toy-let paper.
67. Why are there so many toilet paper jokes, if running out of toilet paper is no laughing matter?
68. What happened when the truckload of toilet paper crashed on the highway?
When cops arrived at the scene, they asked if it was a roll-over or a roll-under.
69. How do you know toilet paper is pessimistic?
Because its mantra is “The End Is Near.”
70. How can you tell your toilet paper has a great sense of humor?
Because it always cracks up in a crappy situation!
71. Why didn’t toilet paper with Sudoku puzzles printed on it ever take off?
Because you can’t complete the puzzles with only number 1 and number 2!
72. Why did the entrepreneur try to pitch his idea for glow-in-the-dark toilet paper?
Because sometimes crap happens in the dark.
73. What happened when the shipment of toilet paper crashed on the freeway?
Police described the scene as a real wipe-out.
74. What is the difference between a car and toilet paper?
It’s perfectly okay to buy a used car.
75. How do you know toilet paper is a dedicated worker?
Because it believes no job is done until the paperwork is done.
76. What happened when the semi-truck loaded with toilet paper crashed on the highway?
Cops say drivers will be bogged down with bad runs until the scene is cleaned up.
77. What happened when the big rig full of toilet paper crashed on the busy street?
Police expect the scene to be backed up for quite a while
78. How do you get toilet paper to dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
79. Why did the toilet paper salesman retire from the job?
He was completely wiped out.
80. You never appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a great example…
81. How many men does it take to replace an empty roll of toilet paper?
Nobody knows because it’s never been done!
82. What happened when the truck full of toilet paper crashed?
Police did not ticket the driver, saying he had a bum steer.
83. What happened to the guy who did a study on the minimal amount of toilet paper that can be used?
He had a real breakthrough.
84. What happened when the truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Highway?
Police say there were definite skid marks leading up to the scene of the accident.
85. What do you call it when you have a nightmare about running out of toilet paper?
A crappy dream!
86. What do you get if you poo in your jeans?
87. Why weren’t the toilet paper thieves arrested?
The cops kept patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.
88. What did the cannibal say after he dumped his wife?
Please pass the toilet paper.
89. Why do people prefer luxury brand butt wipe, when on the hole, it’s all the same?
90. What kind of music do you play for a boulder and some toilet paper?
Rock ‘n Roll!
91. What happens when little toilet paper grows up big and strong?
It becomes a toilet-tree.
92. Some toilet paper walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a drink. The toilet paper says, “No you idiot, it’ll go right through me.” Bartender replies, “Well, you don’t have to get all snotty about it.
93. What did the shrink say to the guy who was compelled to use far too much toilet paper?
You are just being anal.
94. Which dinosaur was a real party pooper?
95. Why are toilet paper jokes so funny?
Because they really crack you up!
96. What do you call a bathroom with no toilet paper?
97.How do you know if toilet paper is lying to you?
Just look inside to see if it’s full of crap.
98. Why did the cop reach for the toilet paper?
His duty was finished.
99. Why did the toilet paper struggle at school?
He couldn’t a-ply himself.
100. I find toilet paper puns crappy
Hope you manage to retain control of your bodily functions as you read through those. Now, it’s time to go…really, we have to…GO! Pass that roll over, please….